According to statistics, nearly 70% of all U.S. divorces are filed by women.
If your wife has filed for or is even considering divorce, she has likely been unhappy for a considerable amount of time.
Although marital troubles might have been making the rounds for quite some time, your wife’s announcement about a potential divorce came as a shock to you. It is likely that you were not aware or were simply ignorant about the extent of your wife’s pain and unhappiness.
However, as soon as the possibility of divorce dawns upon you, you suddenly have a newfound appreciation for your wife and her importance in your life. At this point, you start wondering, ‘my wife wants a divorce – how can I change her mind?’ This article will tell you how.
Why might your wife ask for a divorce?
Before we discuss how you can change your wife’s mind about divorce, you need to know the common reasons why your wife might have made such a demand in the first place. She may be feeling one or few of the following:
Steps to Change Your Wife’s Mind About Divorce
1. Admit that you have caused her pain
The first step towards changing yourself and improving your relationship, is admitting your prior blunders.
The truth is, whether you were aware of it or not, you hurt her at some point. This hurt might have been caused by:
- Not listening to her
- Not prioritizing her
- Taking her for granted
Whatever the reason, it is time to eat your humble pie and concede that you did indeed caused pain to your wife. Do not try to compare her pain to yours, but wholeheartedly admit that you damaged the woman you love.
Accepting this fact will not only help your dwindling marriage, but it will also allow you to ease your own conscience.
2. Apologize to Her
Now that you have acknowledged what you did wrong, it is time to show your wife that you are deeply regretful of those actions.
A genuine apology is the most straightforward way to express guilt, and can act as a soothing balm for your wife’s broken heart.
Allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable in front of your wife. Let her see that you are truly sorry for how things turned out, because that is the only way she will believe that you are willing to mend your ways.
Of course, it is likely that a single apology will not prove to be enough to change your wife’s mind. It is important that you keep persisting without giving up or feeling frustrated.
3. Increase communication
Now that you have expressed regret for what happened, it is time to let your wife do the talking.
Allow her to speak openly about her experiences and feelings and about how your marriage became such a disappointment for her that she decided that she would be better off without it. She might cry, scream, vent, or repeat herself over and over – let her, and this time, make her feel genuinely listened to.
Understand her viewpoints, maintain eye-contact, and pay attention to non-verbal cues. Provide consistent feedback to let her know that you are genuinely concentrating. Ask questions if you want to better comprehend certain points, but prevent using accusatory and sarcastic words or tones.
Also, should you manage to get your wife back, make sure that communication remains a consistent part of your married lives so that you can address and tackle problems before they accumulate to such an extent.
4. Let your actions do the talking
From admitting your mistakes to apologizing for them, you have said all the right things. Now, it is time to act on your words.
Perhaps the mismatch between your actions and words was one of the factors that led to your wife considering divorce. Maybe you committed to helping her in household chores or spend more time with her – whatever it was, start doing it this time around.
Show her that you care for her. Get flowers for her without any occasion, plan a surprise dinner, watch her favorite movie with her, or hug her when she is least expecting it.
However, you need to make sure that you remain consistent with these actions, even after things get back to normal.
5. Make your wife a priority
It is possible that other matters became the central points of life, while your wife continued to linger away at the peripheries. It is also possible that you never realized while it was happening.
Often, when couples have been together for a while, they start taking each other for granted and do not care about pausing and focusing on their partner’s needs, desires, or grievances.
You might have started expecting certain things from your wife without ever expressing gratitude or appreciation. Consequently, your wife started to feel disrespected and unimportant.
Do not let this happen a second time, by regularly acknowledging what your wife does and has been doing for you. As important as your work and other commitments are, remember that your wife is always going to be more important.
To avoid taking your wife for granted, imagine how dull, flavorless, and difficult your life would be without her presence.
6. Find better coping mechanisms
Perhaps, in the past, you did not address your marital discord in the right manner.
Maybe you shied away from tough conversations, or ignored and suppressed your feelings. Perhaps you failed to take responsibility when you should have, and you found somebody else to blame every time something went wrong.
Whatever it was, this is the perfect time to change the cycle and get rid of all your previous unhealthy coping mechanisms and replacing them with healthier ones.
The next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, discuss things with the most reliable person in your life – your partner. Other than that, you can open up to friends, colleagues, or even seek assistance from a professional counselor. It would be best if you found a way to let your feelings out, as keeping them bottled up will continue to damage you from the inside.
If you find that you are easily stressed out or have anger management issues, regular exercising or yoga can do your mental health a world of good. Also, start keeping a diary in which you can journal your emotions and feelings.
Always have multiple positive coping options so that, in case one of them does not work for a particular situation, you can always turn to something else without jeopardizing your own life and those of your loved ones.
7. Love yourself
Remember, you cannot pour out of an empty cup. If you want to give love to others, you need to start by giving some to yourself.
As discussed already, start exercising. While you are at it, also focus on what you put into your mouth, and make the shift towards a healthier diet.
Do not forget to make time for fun. Plan something enjoyable for every weekend – sometimes with your wife, but sometimes also by yourself. Life is busy, and that is not going to change, but that does not mean that you do not deserve to unwind and feel good from time to time.
Learn to forgive yourself. Sometimes, you need to admit that you did the best you could – even if things did not go as you planned.
8. Reason with your wife
It is possible that, despite your genuine efforts, your wife might still want to go ahead with a divorce. In such a case, you could ask for a three-month moratorium during which the two of you will remain together and try to mend your marriage.
Ask her to keep an open mind, and discuss the negative and far-reaching consequences of divorce, especially for your children (if you have any).
Marriage counseling almost always helps struggling couples. Tell your wife about the potential benefits of counseling and request her to come along to a session with you and check for herself.
I hope that the steps mentioned above will help you win back your wife. However, despite all your good efforts and intentions, if your wife will settle at nothing less than a divorce, do not beat yourself up for it. Probably, you are not the only one to be blamed, and you both could have done some things better.
Sometimes, you just will not be able to figure out what caused your partner to end the relationship. However, the fact that you did all you could to try and salvage your marriage will give you some much-needed solace in the days following your divorce.
Just remember that the end of your marriage should not have to spell the end of your life. Regardless of what the future holds for you, I wish you the very best.