Why is My Wife So Mean to Me (8 Things to Know!)
Even the happiest of married couples may go through rough patches, and that’s alright. But if your marriage is struggling due to your wife’s inappropriate behavior, you need to dig deeper.
By default, women are moody, and many things can turn them into a mean wife you never expected. And while husbands are most likely to be the victims of their meanness, they are not always the cause.
Having said that, no woman has the right to be mean or abusive toward her better half. Indeed, that is not how healthy relationships work.
Why is My Wife So Mean?
Every woman is different, but some common causes that are the primary source of a woman’s negative attitude may include:
1. Her Inner Dissatisfaction With Where She is in Life
It is common to think of women as your wife or mother but seldom do men think of women as an individual. Let’s not forget that your wife or your kid’s mom is a human, too, with needs and desires, dreams, and aspirations. And just like men can get dissatisfied with their lives, so can women.
It is very much possible that your wife may have prioritized you and your family over her dreams and aspirations. While it may not always be something to do out of compulsion, she may have done it anyway and is now not satisfied with where she is in life.
She may end up blaming you subconsciously, even though you are not the direct cause of it. Yet, since she did it for you (out of her own will), you end up bearing the brunt of her decision.
2. She Is Experiencing a Mid-Life Crisis
So you and your wife graduated together, but now life has changed. She is settled in her career, and so are you. She takes a step back and reflects through all those years. “This is not where I was supposed to be.”
She may be experiencing a mid-life crisis.
It is common to assume that the mid-life crisis is something that only men experience. That is not always true. Women, too, can experience a mid-life crisis. And the problem is not only common among working women. But, women who stay-at-home by choice may also go through a mid-life crisis.
While your wife may not always be explicit about what she is going through, it is a challenging phase in her life. And the easiest target to show up her anger is you.
3. Let’s Not Forget Depression
Often, when things don’t go as planned, people end up with depression. Although anyone can get affected by depression, women are more prone to psychological conditions, such as anxiety and depression, than men. This severe condition can have a lasting impact on every relationship, including your marriage.
Unfortunately, depression is not always about never-ending sorrow, crying, and feeling of hopelessness. It can also be about resentment, dissatisfaction, and anger to the extent that it can interfere with your day-to-day functioning.
When some women silently struggle with this condition, they can be mean to those close to them, particularly their partners.
Being depressed is not an excuse that can be used to be mean to you. However, it is one of the potential causes that may be affecting your married life.
4. Her Hormones May be the Culprit
A woman’s body is far more complicated than men, thanks to her hormones. Several hormones are simultaneously working in a woman’s body. Together, they can have a significant impact on how she feels and behaves.
Hormones, such as estrogen, can cause severe mood disruptions. Moreover, the thyroid also plays a significant role in stabilizing their mood. So whether it’s the menstrual cycle, PMS, or menopause, a women’s body deals with several things together, which can indeed affect her mood and behavior.
5. She May be Hurt or Overworked
Your wife may be working and managing your home, the kids, and a lot more. Even when she is not working full-time, managing home and parenting can be frustrating and can take a toll on her emotional and physical health.
And when women are hurt, stressed, or overworked, it only seems natural that they unload their baggage towards their partners by being mean to them.
It may not always be the best way to deal with the situation. Unfortunately, most women resort to it and end up being mean to their partners.
6. She’s Angry Over Something from the Past
Women have an excellent memory. They would remember everything and anything. And while this may be a good thing, it is not always best because women tend to remember negative comments more than positive ones. You say one mean thing to her, and it will stay with her long after the conflict is over, and you may have already forgotten about it.
Over time, as these feelings stay with women, they turn into anger and resentment. Whenever your wife gets an opportunity, she may use it against you. As a result, she ends up hurting you just like you hurt her.
7. She No Longer Feels Emotionally Connected to You
Healthy relationships need a lot of hard work. This is particularly true for long-term relationships, such as marriage. It is common to see a lot of effort from both partners, particularly at the start of the relationship, but over time, as responsibilities increase, both partners become less eager to put in the effort to save their marriage.
Over time, when there is little input from both partners, there is a lost emotional connection that leads to resentment and anger, particularly for women. The problem can become worse if communication is an already struggling aspect of your relationship. And if your wife is unhappy with the relationship, she ends up being mean to you.
8. She May Not be Happy With the Marriage
Another possible reason your wife is mean to you is that she has already made up her mind and wants to end the relationship. But why would she be mean if she wants to end it? Can’t she simply go for separation or divorce?
Well, that’s a tricky one. Women are complicated. Your wife might not want to live with you, but she also doesn’t want to be the one who ends the marriage. So she ends up being so mean to you that you eventually start hating her to the point that you decide to get rid of her — it kind of hurts less.
What Can You Do If Your Wife is Acting Mean?
I have highlighted several reasons why your wife is mean to you, but now comes the most exciting part.
What role can you play if your wife is acting mean toward you?
Your wife is mean to you, arguing in the most disrespectful tone and language, and your immediate response is that you snap back at her.
Well, that may be simple and instinctive, but that’s not what real men do.
Men are logical beings, and when they are being yelled at or are mistreated, they need to think about what led to this action and how they can change the situation.
Here is how to go about it:
1. Understand Where She is Coming From
Perhaps, the first thing you need to do is to change your perspective towards her. Yes, she is mean. She is being disrespectful and is trying to berate you. But *pause*,
- She is still your wife, and she is respectful,
- You love her, and
- You know that she is struggling with some underlying issue, and she is not expressing it adequately.
How did that change your perspective towards her?
Very often, understanding is the first step towards improving any situation. It may need a lot of time, practice, and, most importantly, patience, but working towards understanding her will eventually bring the two of you closer.
2. Approach Things Differently
She is mean and hurtful. You do the same. Choose the same tone, behavior, and word choice, and imagine what would your home look like?
Now recap.
She is mean and hurtful. You use a different tone, behavior, and word choice and see what happens?
If you approach the problem slightly differently and let her know that you care and want to understand why she is behaving in this way, it’s likely to soften her up, and you will find a better way to resolve the conflict.
3. Try Repeatedly
And there is no magic wand that can turn your mean wife into a polite one, so you will have to try repeatedly. If she is mean and hurtful for quite some time, and you have already grown apart, then it will need a lot more effort and patience to get things back on track.
4. Never Go Down to Her Level
As I said, it only appears to be instinctive to match meanness with meanness and hurt her in the exact same way as she hurts you. But what exactly are you trying to achieve? Do you want to hurt her in the exact same way as she hurts you? Or you have a more significant and more important task of saving your marriage?
If you are goal-oriented and want to save your marriage, keep your eyes on the bigger picture. You should always aim never to match her meanness. Instead of being equally mean to her and aggravating the conflict, try to diffuse the situation and take a step toward saving your marriage.
And What if All Your Attempts Fail?
So you tried all of the above, and things are not changing from her end at all? What’s next?
Know that it is never okay to stay in an unhealthy relationship where your spouse always crushes your self-esteem. If your wife is disregarding all your efforts and criticizing you, it may be the time to get some professional help.
Seek marriage counseling and use it as a last resort to save your marriage. Only a professional marriage counselor has the experience and training to guide you and your wife on how to improve your relationship.
Again, it won’t work like magic, and your partner will still need to make a lot more effort. But if she is genuinely interested in saving your marriage, then I am sure she would be willing to make an effort.
