- “She used to be so chirpy.”
- “We were always happy together.”
- “She was warm and cheerful.”
- “We were so excited about our future together.”
“But then, after several years of living together, things are not the same. She smiles a lot less now. Her happiness seemed to diminish, and she is no longer warm. Instead, she is always mad at me!”
Sounds familiar? If this seems like your love story, you are not alone, my friend.
Almost every married man I know ends up asking this question to himself, “Why is my wife always mad at me?”
To find the answer, most men reflect on what they have done that triggered their wife’s anger. But then some don’t care and let things move on as they are. But if you genuinely love your wife and want to save your marriage, I suggest you should think of all the reasons why your wife is always mad at you.
Your wife is always mad at you because she is dealing with a lot;
- herself, her body and her crazy hormones, her career, aspirations, desires and
- you, your home, and everything that revolves around home and
- kids(if you have any or even if you don’t have one), and the list of what parenting demands are never-ending.
Of course, she loves herself, and she loves you, and she loves her kids more than anyone else on the planet. Each of the three things independently is great. But when you combine them all, it is a bit too much to handle in 24 hours, 365 days a year for at least a few decades or more.
But if you are struggling with an angry wife, don’t worry, I will help you with this. I will share all the possible reasons why your wife is always mad at you, but more importantly, I will also guide you on how you can change the situation and bring the long-lost love back to your married life.
So let’s get started.
Anger Accumulation – A Woman’s Perspective
When it comes to expressing strong emotions, such as anger, men and women tend to be very different. Men yell, get aggressive, and probably physical when they are angry. Women, on the other hand, are more passive in terms of expressing anger. You ask an angry woman how she is doing, and she says “fine” in her sharp, razor’s edge tone. You know she is angry, but she didn’t express it like a man.
So here is a problem; when women are not expressive about this particular emotion, anger builds up inside. And once it reaches a certain threshold, only then it becomes more apparent and reflects in her behavior and actions.
So don’t think your wife has become angry all of a sudden. The storm was brewing for quite some time, and now as the fuse is about to blow, you get ready to bear the brunt.
Why is My Wife Always Mad at Me?
You already know the science behind a woman’s anger and how she expresses it. Now let’s try and understand some of the reasons why your wife is always mad at you?
But first, let’s not forget that you started as a happy couple with a healthy relationship. Over time, responsibilities continue to grow, and so did the frustrations that are exploding now and then. While she is primarily responsible for her actions and, more importantly, reactions, somewhere deep down, you, too, are contributing to your wife’s anger.
But then again, you don’t have to think that you are the primary source of her anger, and she hates you and doesn’t want to live with you. Confusing right? Women are complicated. They would be angry at you, but deep down, they would still love you, so don’t worry and focus only on why your wife is mad at you.
1. There is A lot on Her Plate
Life today is more stressed than it ever was. And for a woman, it’s “double U o man.” So realize that she is juggling between a lot of things. She has to be a loving companion, an efficient employee, a superwoman who runs the house, and a warm, loving, and affectionate mom (if you already are a parent).
And doing all of it together is hard. It’s not that your wife can’t handle pressure, but it’s merely that there is too much on her plate.
But on days when you think, “I try and help her, but that only makes her even more angry.” Yes, it does because you helping at the wrong instances makes her feel she is incompetent and unable to handle her responsibilities. And even if that is not what you intended, that’s how it is. And you can’t change that. So, accept that she is trying to do much, that too on her own.
Believe it or not, hormones have a significant role in how women feel and behave.
They may experience erratic moods, PMS is real, menstruation and pregnancy are emotionally draining, and so is menopause. She has to deal with all of this every month for almost good four decades of her life. So by default, she has more reasons to be angry.
3. She Has to Live Up to “I Can Do it!”
Life today is more complicated than ever, and it is an even bigger challenge for women. Traditionally, women were the caretakers at home, while men would be the breadwinners. But changing societal norms and gender roles expect women to work outside the house with the home still being her primary responsibility. So employment for women is an additional responsibility that she now has to take up.
While some women may choose to stay at home, most do not have the choice, and that’s where they have to live up to “I can do it“, regardless of their choice. And that could often mean living a life that she never aspired. There may be a lot to do, but women still have aspirations and dreams that they want to live up to.
4. Being the Ideal Mom
With an already struggling, overworked woman, matters complicate further when she becomes a mother. Being a mother may be the most rewarding experience, but let’s admit it; raising kids is tough. It’s a 24/7 job that you have to do 365 days a year for a good number of years.
Throughout this time, she has to be the ideal mom, which the world expects her to be.
- Being the role model,
- No screen time for toddlers,
- Raising emotionally intelligent children who are excelling academically.
And all this requires her to manage her behavior and emotions. Again, that’s tough! Your wife will eventually feel angry and sorry and you will have to deal with it.
5. And Even When You Don’t Have Kids
Not having children may be a conscious choice, but it can be a touchy topic for women. They are COMPLICATED! They would agree to not having kids, but deep down, there would be anger and resentment because these are some of the emotions that women relate to not having kids.
6. They Have High Standards
Here is a secret you may not know. Women are perfectionists by nature. They hold high standards for everything they do – whether it’s a good wife, a good employee, a good mother, or maybe just being good at laundry. They aim for perfection.
And when you set high expectations for yourself, you are bound to feel like a failure. That’s precisely what happens with women on a daily basis. Now, do you know why women are more likely to suffer from depression? They hold high standards, and when they fail, they are mad at you! Simple?
7. You are Not Available
At times, your unavailability is what triggers her anger, and she ends up being mad at you all the time.
But you may think, “That’s not possible, we live in the same house. I work to meet our ends.”
So what if you live in the same house and the same room. In a digitalized world where your office resides in your pocket, your phone connects you with the rest of the world, and Netflix shows you your favorite movies all the time, who has time for the wife who lives in the same room?
Whether you like it or not, you are not available for your wife when she needs you the most. She would never want you to sit at home all day and do nothing, but every day there are several micro instances where she just needs your eye contact, a smile, a hug, and a comfort zone. And you are not there!
8. All She Needs is a Break
24/7 responsibilities can exhaust you. And they do exhaust women. At times, the cause of their constant anger is nothing else except that they need a break. A break from laundry, from preparing dinner to taking care of who has finished it and who hasn’t. Not to mention, a break from the newborn who wakes up a hundred times at night and requires constant diaper change to a demanding boss who waits for her at 9 a.m.
If your wife is always mad at you, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t realize her inappropriate behavior with you. She does, and she often misses her old self. But at the same time, she does not know how to get back to being the same person. But is it always your fault? No, not at all. Yet, you can play an essential role in bringing her back to life. In the next section, find out more about what you can do!
How Can You Help Your Angry Wife?
Ok, so we have a problem at hand. Your wife is always angry, and you already learned the reasons why your wife is always mad at you. Now let’s take a look at what you can do to improve the situation.
1. Understand Her Situation
Remember when you first start dating your wife? She would share her troubles with you only because you were understanding. You knew what she was going through. And now, after several years of marriage, you don’t understand what’s wrong with your wife? Why is she always mad at me?
Well, the first step towards solving the problem is to understand her situation. Know that she is not the young girl you first met who had few responsibilities and obligations. Yes, she is the same girl you dated, but she is now a woman who has a lot more to do than just dating you.
2. Communicate Effectively
An angry woman often needs an outlet where she can express all she is going through. And she doesn’t expect action in return. On the flip side, men are not good at listening.
So STOP and LISTEN! Just LISTEN for the sake of listening. Here are a few listening tips that can help you out:
- Listen intently, show her that you are physically and mentally present with her.
- Maintain eye contact, so she knows that you care.
- Respond because she wants to be empathized.
When it is all out, and she has said it all, process it and ask your wife how she wants to fix it. Take suggestions from her and give ideas for improvement (if any).
And finally, LET HER FIX IT!
Feeling heard will solve part of the problem, and the rest of it will be solved when she comes up with a solution herself.
3. Plan a Vacation
Everyone deserves a break. But more importantly, everyone needs a break, and your wife is not an exception. She needs a break from her work, and then the work at home, from the children and the endless baggage that comes with parenting and raising kids. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. She does, probably a lot more than you do, but it’s just that parenting can be challenging, and mums are often more deserving of a break from parenting than dads.
If your pocket can take it, send her on vacation. If she agrees on going alone, that’s the best, but a family vacation is an equally good option. She may not get a break from parenting, but definitely from her work and household work.
And even if you are someone who does not have toddlers running around the house, your wife may still need a break. After all, she has been taking care of everything around you, including a grown-up.
4. Give Her a Break
Breaks don’t always have to be air flights, luxurious hotels, and fine dine-ins. True that a great vacation can be genuinely refreshing, but they are not always possible. You have to confront several constraints like off-days from work, missed days at school, finances, and so on, but you can still give her a break at home.
Make her breakfast, help her prepare lunch for kids, do the dishes after dinner, and the list is never-ending (just like household chores!). While this will give her a break she deserves, your show of affection may also help her get back on track.
5. Keep Your Sense of Humor Alive
When your wife is mad at you, she is definitely not in the mood for jokes and humor, and naturally, you aren’t either. But what would happen when you start clashing her temper? *Bang*
Not a very pleasant outcome! The strained household atmosphere with additional stress and you two not talking to each other (which can be a little traumatizing, especially if you have kids). Now rewind see how you could have changed the situation?
What if, instead of coming into conflict with her, you would bide your time, thought through the situation, and tried to lighten the mood around the house? It would have been a different story altogether.
6. Prove that You Still Love Her
Remember those love notes you used to write when you were dating her? Or a show of flowers without any special occasion? When was the last time you did something to make her feel special? Okay, let’s rephrase when was the last time you did something to show her that you still love her?
Years into marriage, when responsibilities take a toll on your physical and mental state, we do remember that we love our partner (and that’s precisely why you two are together), but then we fail to express it. And this may add to your already stressed and overworked wife. Why not prove her wrong?
Show that you love her, often. And these romantic gestures don’t have to be expensive.
Leave a love note for her.
Maybe a sweet poem if you are that type.
Or a simple thank you note.
Brighten up her day with your sweet gestures that show you still love her.
7. Seek Professional Counseling
Now this one may be tough. If you think your wife has a problem and she thinks otherwise, this won’t work. But, if both you and your wife genuinely recognize that she has problems dealing with her emotions, that’s a condition that needs professional treatment.
While many people find it uncomfortable, only a professional counselor can help you deal with the situation when you have trouble processing your thoughts. With the right training and professional experience, counselors are there to help you deal with your emotions so you can get back to a healthy and happy place within yourself, of course, in your married life as well.
That’s a Wrap
Women are complicated.
Do I need to say that again? They have rushing emotions and then different ways of expressing emotions. But if your wife is always mad at you, don’t forget that you can play an important role in fixing your situation and save your marriage.
So why not give it a try?