Does your wife not let you touch her in an intimate way?
There can be a couple of reasons for this. Maybe your wife doesn’t like the way you touch her, or maybe she is suffering from “Haphephobia” – an unusual phobia in which the sufferer has an extreme fear of being touched.
Your wife may also have had suffered from some form of physical or emotional abuse in the past that resulted in one or a few mental illnesses such as depression, stress and anxiety, extreme trust issues, bi-polar disorder, and so on.
Signs Your Wife Doesn’t Want You to Touch Her
1. Your Wife Seems Uncomfortable When You Initiate Foreplay
If you notice your wife acting awkward or becoming extremely tense when you try to touch her, it means she is not liking the fact that you are being physical. Showing discomfort is a telltale sign that your wife isn’t taking foreplay positively.
2. Your Wife Is Physically Present but Emotionally Distant
She may be right next to you, but when you talk to her, you may realize she is far, far away – mentally, emotionally, or both. According to a marriage therapist, being physically, emotionally, or mentally unavailable shows your spouse is not energetically connected to you.
3. Your Wife Sleeps Before You
Couples usually engage in intimate activities at night. Knowing this, your wife may sleep – or act as if she is sleeping – before you. If you notice this happening every time, it’s a clear sign your wife doesn’t want you to touch her.
4. Your Wife Gives Excuses Every Time You Try to be Romantic with Her
“I’m so tired and sleepy,” “I’ve so much work to do!” “I forgot to turn the stove off,” “I have to clean the room. It’s so messy,” and so on.
If you find your wife making such excuses every time you show physical affection, it’s clear she isn’t interested in you physically.
5. Your Wife Changes the Subject Every Time You Try to Talk to her About It
If you are weirded out by your partner’s lack of sexual interest, you may try to talk to her about it. But if she refuses to speak to you and immediately changes the subject, it means your wife is closed off.
Experts believe in healthy discussions between couples and not letting this matter slide that easily because it may not be best in the long run.
Why Does Your Wife Not Let You Touch Her?
There are several reasons as to why your wife may avoid any form of physical intimacy with you. Some of these include:
1. Your Wife Is Upset with You
Did you recently get into an argument or fight with her? If yes, then obviously your wife is cross with you and isn’t in the mood for any physical affection – especially if you didn’t put any effort to make it up to her.
2. Your Wife Thinks (or, Have Found Out) that You Are Cheating on Her
Infidelity can be difficult to forgive and often puts marriage in jeopardy.
If your wife has trust issues or has found definitive proof that you are guilty of cheating on her, you now know why she is closed off.
3. Your Wife is Suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Sometimes, all of us feel self-conscious about our bodies. But if you start hating your body to the extent that it impacts your day-to-day life, it means you have body dysmorphic disorder. So, if your wife is not allowing you to touch her, it could be possible that she loathes her body or the way she looks.
4. Your Wife is Depressed or Stressed Out
Chronic stress and depression are often the leading causes of intimacy problems in marriage. If your wife is mentally or emotionally unwell, she may not enjoy or prefer getting involved in any sexual activity. She can be too caught up in her illness that she doesn’t seem excited about anything in her life, including you and your expression of love.
5. Your Wife Has Suffered from Sexual Abuse at a Young Age
Childhood sexual trauma can have detrimental effects on every aspect of a sufferer’s life and their relationships with others, including the one they share with their spouse.
If your wife shows signs of uneasiness or nervousness every time you come close to her in an affectionate way, she may still be struggling with the after-effects of physical harassment.
6. Your Wife Feels You’re Too Harsh and Rough
Has your wife stopped hugging, touching, or loving you and has shunned you from doing the same to her? Chances are she doesn’t like the way you touch her. This calls for a little introspection. Recall how your wife reacted to the way you made love or showed physical affection to her.
7. Your Wife Has Fallen Out of Love
There can be a few reasons for this development. Maybe your wife has grown out of the relationship, or she has fallen in love with someone else and is having an extramarital affair. In any of these cases, your spouse may not feel interested in your physical love and avoid it whenever possible.
What Can I Do to Let my Wife Touch Her?
Nothing is lost yet if your wife is disconnected from you. Here are some tips you can follow to let your wife reconnect with you – especially physically.
1. Talk It Out
The most important solution for how to get your wife to let you touch her is by having a one-to-one chat with her about it. Rather than going ballistic at her, you should ask what’s bothering her.
Be soft and gentle with your wife. If you see her struggling, give her time. Be patient. Think of her needs before your own needs. You never know what deep-rooted psychological problems she may be suffering from. Keep in mind that nipping it in the bud is the only way to resolve this issue.
2. Suggest her to Talk to a Confidant
If your wife isn’t comfortable telling why she doesn’t get involved in physical intimacy with you, ask her to talk to someone she trusts. In such a scenario, it’s natural to feel hurt that your wife isn’t as close to you as she should. But you should realize that your wife’s issues are certainly bigger than yours.
Understand that if your wife has suffered from sexual abuse in the past, she may have trouble opening up to you. After all, sufferers of physical abuse have trust issues.
3. Consult Marriage Counseling
If you can’t seem to put a finger on exactly what the issue is that’s stopping your wife from allowing you to touch her, visit a marriage counselor. You should also consider marriage counseling if you and your wife are fully aware of the problem and don’t know how to resolve it.
4. Observe Your Wife
Keep track of your wife’s activities – is she constantly taken up with bundles of chores? Is she always stressed out? Is she suffering from some mental illness? Look for signs and symptoms of issues that can be causing your wife to be emotionally, mentally, and physically detached from you. Once you have pointed out the issue, it will be far easier for you to deal with it accordingly then.
5. Make Your Wife Happy
Wives expect more than sexual pleasure (as opposed to their husbands). If you think you can make them happy just by fulfilling their sexual needs, you’re wrong.
If you and your wife have recently gotten into a big fight or argument that has left your wife feeling emotionally distant from you, look for ways to make it up to her. Surprise her with a lovely present or beautiful flowers, take her out for a fancy dinner, do chores for her, cook for her, and most important of all, apologize to her.
6. Listen to Your Wife
Just like any human being, your wife has emotions, too. Sometimes after a hectic day at work or doing all the strenuous house chores, all your wife may want is someone they can vent out their emotions with. If you keep your ear closed or don’t make her feel better, she may hold that grudge against you and won’t let you come near to her when you want to have physical intimacy.
There’s no need to act out (despite yourself) if your wife doesn’t let you touch her. Don’t let this bruise your ego. Even if you feel hurt or upset, act maturely. Try to understand where your wife is coming from. Your aim should always be to address the issue and move forward. Don’t ignore and let things be the way they are – this can negatively affect your relationship with your wife in the grand scheme of things.