“Till death do us part” – everything, ranging from this phrase to our sacred religious texts, speaks of marriage being a perpetual and an eternal affair.
However, where it is easy to commit forever to that pretty angel in a white wedding dress that you know means everything to you, things might drastically change down the road. So much so that you might even find yourself questioning, ‘why do I hate my wife’?
Perhaps, you do not mean that pure, murderous hatred, but rather a strong feeling of dislike or resentment. In this article, I will discuss a few reasons why you might have started to feel this way about someone who you once believed was the love of your life.
Possible Reasons Why You Hate Your Wife:
- Your Wife Might Have Lost Her Fun-loving Self
- She Does Not Show Any Gratitude
- She Takes Major Decisions Without Discussing Them With You
- She is Always Insecure
- She Does Not Communicate With You
- She is Never Willing To Admit Her Mistake
- She Involves Other People in Your Personal Matters
- She Wants (Only) You To Change
- Understand That It Might Be You
1. Your Wife Might Have Lost Her Fun-loving Self
Your dating days were probably marked with late-night dates, trips to the mountains, and a lot of thrill and excitement in general.
However, the post-marriage juggle between family, career, and household has likely left your wife devoid of the fun and enthusiasm that made you fall for her in the first place. With the kind of schedule that leaves her hard-pressed to find some me-time, it might be almost impossible for her to find any you-and-she time.
Of course, you have your own set of struggles and responsibilities, and when you want to take your mind off them, it is natural to turn to your spouse. But, when you see that she is unable to spend enjoyable, quality time with you, it might lead you to have feelings of irritation towards her.
2. She Does Not Show Any Gratitude
As a husband, you earn for your wife, take care of her needs, take her out shopping and for dinner, and put in equally as much effort for your children.
Yet, you might feel that all you are getting in return are complaints and grievances, ranging from “you are not the same person I married” to “why can’t you spend a bit of time with your family?”.
Even though you might not say it out loud, you are desperate to hear a few words of gratefulness every once in a while. Instead of focusing on everything that she does not have in her life, you would strongly prefer if your wife would, every once in a while, pay attention to everything that you have given her.
Of course, to give your all to someone and yet see them constantly grumble all the time can test even the most tolerant person’s patience.
3. She Takes Major Decisions Without Discussing Them With You
Married life is marked by important milestones and crucial decisions. This might involve the decision to buy something important for your house or deciding on a school for your young ones.
Although couples normally make such major decisions together, it is not uncommon for wives to think that they know best and give a sole ruling on such vital matters. And, once they have made a decision, they then go on to try and convince their husbands why it is the right decision – instead of discussing the options with them in the first place.
If your wife fits this description, it can make you feel less-than or not good enough as a husband or even as a father. You might also think that you do not have an equal say on matters that are as important to you as they are to your wife. As a result, you start to develop a strong distaste for your wife and her go-it-alone attitude.
4. She is Always Insecure
A little insecurity in a marriage is tolerable; perhaps even encouraged as a sign of love and belonging. For instance, it is natural for your wife to be bothered about or even jealous of the female workers at your workplace.
However, too much insecurity can make you feel suffocated. You would not appreciate your wife constantly going through your text messages or following you around the house every time you get a phone call. As a loyal husband, you will see these actions from your wife as indications of her mistrust, which could hurt you and give you a reason to believe that you hate your wife.
5. She Does Not Communicate With You
Intimate conversations are always a prerequisite of any successful marriage, but sometimes, even arguments are beneficial. Sure, you two are being hostile to each other, but at least you are letting your resentments out and – most importantly – actively communicating. It shows that you want to address whatever is causing problems between the two of you.
However, when you notice that your wife is simply burying her complaints instead of voicing them, it could cause you to start living a separate life from her – despite being under the same roof. Such behavior might make you think that your wife does not think much of you anymore, and you force her to reciprocate this attitude. Before you know it, you are two strangers living together.
6. She is Never Willing To Admit Her Mistake
“I am always right” also translates to “you are always wrong (except for when you agree with me).” Your wife’s unwillingness to concede her fault will frustrate you to the point where you might start hating her altogether.
To add insult to injury, if she ever does end up owning up to her mistake, your wife wants you to forgive her immediately – and, if you do not, you are…wrong. She thinks that merely admitting her fault is reason enough for you to let the whole thing slide and go back to being normal. Again, this is something that can be deeply infuriating for any husband.
7. She Involves Other People in Your Personal Matters
While you are in a relationship, you might not have objected to her telling everything to her parents or her close friends. However, it is a different story once you are husband and wife.
Fights and quarrels are common in marriages. Nonetheless, every time she goes complains to her friend or relative, she is inadvertently causing them to form a negative image of you and your behavior. The two of you will eventually sort out your issues, but her mother, sister, or friend will continue to see you as a quarrelsome, short-tempered, and disrespectful husband.
Your wife’s lack of understanding of the importance of privacy might make you feel that she does not value your relationship enough and lead you to hate her.
8. She Wants (Only) You To Change
Of course, no marriage can move forward without a few sacrifices and compromises. As you take on new roles and duties, you have to mold your personality accordingly.
The problem begins when you realize that you are the only partner molding himself.
It is understandable for a wife to think that she sacrificed more than enough when she left her entire family behind to spend her life with you.
Where this is true, it is also true that your life has changed almost as much as hers. So, while you should work hard on adjusting to your new life, it is also not wrong for you to expect your wife to make a few modifications as well.
9. Understand That It Might Be You
As a man, you are expected to be the hunter-gatherer of the family. It is traditionally your job to provide for your wife and kids, and if you are struggling in that role, it could take a toll on your mental health.
Work or financial trouble – and the stress that comes with it – often has spillover effects on your marital life. You might feel that you are worthless, insufficient, or a failure, forcing you to view everything in your life from a lens of irritability and frustration.
Under such circumstances, it is not uncommon for you to view the people closest to you as your enemies and take their requests and suggestions as criticism. Consequently, you end up projecting your perceived shortcomings onto the person closest to you – your wife – where the problem and, in fact, the solution, reside inwards.
Introspection is The Key To A Happy Marriage
It is not abnormal to feel worn out with your partner, especially when you have been married for several years. However, that should not mean that you automatically hate them.
Try and identify the cause for your resentment, and then address that cause. You can do it by discussing your concerns and problems with your wife, spending more time with her to see things from her perspective, and also allowing her a bit of time and space to understand your point of view.
Also, feelings of hatred and frustration often stem from spending time in a strained and stressful environment. So, try and make sure that your house’s atmosphere is calm and peaceful so that you and your family can feel relaxed.
Finally, as we discussed above, keep introspecting. None of us are – or can ever be – perfect, but it is our duty to keep working on ourselves to have a long, happy, and successful married life.