Wife is Not Attracted to Me (Signs and Steps to Win Her Back!)
When the two of you started dating, your once glance would cause fireworks to erupt throughout your wife’s body. A smile from you, and she would melt like a popsicle on the 4th of July.
Now, although that love is still there, do you find yourself thinking, ‘My wife is not attracted to me the way she used to be’?
Signs Your Wife is Losing Her Attraction Towards You
Let us discuss the signs that your wife is losing her attraction towards you.
1. Nonexistent romance
The flowers, candlelight dinners, and sweet kisses seem to be things of the distant past. Your wife is still fulfilling your daily needs, but the romantic spark seems to have dissipated.
This shows that the love and care is present, but that is just about it.
2. Your wife rarely ever calls you
Apart from when she wants to tell you to bring diapers for the kids or that she is going out with her friends.
In other words, your wife wants to keep you updated but does not really wish to ‘connect’ to you anymore. She probably does not miss you the way she used to, and only ever thinks about you when she needs to inform you of something important.
3. She is only focused on herself
Of course, any good husband would want her wife to focus on her career, health, and happiness. At the end of the day, getting married does not mean that you cease to have separate identities.
However, a healthy marriage is also based on a balanced focus, and, if you find that your wife is not bothered about your needs, it is a worrying sign. If she is not attracted to you, she probably feels there is no reason to focus on your desires.
4. You and your wife do not have fun anymore
There is a difference between quality time and fun time.
Sure, the two of you might still go out for walks or watch a TV show together. However, there is a lack of excitement and thrill in your lives. This might mean that your wife has started to see you as boring, and would rather plan social events with other people.
5. You constantly find yourselves in awkward situations
Previously, the idea of spending private time with your wife was exciting and alluring. However, these days, the two of you avoid spending time by yourselves because things always end up becoming awkward.
If you find yourself hesitating before expressing a new idea to your wife because she laughs it off, it indicates that she thinks she has already tried everything with you, and that new possibilities do not excite her anymore.
6. Lack of patience and respect
If you find your wife rolling her eyes way too often at your suggestions or ideas, she is not only being unattracted but also disrespectful towards you.
Of course, that still does not mean that your wife does not love you anymore. Parents love a toddler, but they still pat his head and laugh it off when he says, ‘Mom, dad, I am going to spend the entire summer inside the refrigerator’.
Yes, your wife is using those same gestures of sweet mockery, only it does not seem sweet to you because you are not a four-year-old.
7. Your wife agrees with everything you say
If she isn’t mocking your suggestions, she is just nodding her head at everything you say – another sign of disinterest.
It seems that your wife just does not care enough to engage in a healthy argument or conversation; she would rather just agree with you and get it done with.
8. No signs of jealousy
An absence of jealousy can well be the sign of a healthy and secure relationship.
However, at the same time, if your wife does not care that your female is getting a bit too frank with you at the company dinner, it might mean that she does not desire you and your attention the way she used to.
Now, if you are thinking that maybe you should try and stir up your wife’s feeling by flirting with someone, let me tell you that it is a BAD idea, and might backfire horribly.
9. The hugs and kisses are not passionate
At the end of a busy day at work, you are still glad to see your wife (and vice versa).
But, as you enter the house and begin to hug her, you subconsciously find yourself holding back a bit. Or, perhaps you pull away a bit too quickly while kissing her.
Although love does not always need sexual gestures to express itself, but two people who genuinely desire each other cannot help but want a bit of physical intimacy.
10. You have become more friends and less lovers
Sure, I would be the first one to tell you that there is no love without friendship. But, friendship without love between a married couple is certainly an indication of a less-than-perfect relationship.
If you find yourself indulged in conversations without being able to flirt with or sexually arouse your wife, it spells trouble. You might console yourself thinking that life is too busy, and you do not really get the time for those flirty convos. However, the truth is, if there is genuine attraction, there is always time.
How Can I Rebuild My Wife’s Attraction Towards Me?
Now that you know how to detect a lack of interest from your wife, it is time for you to try and get that pre-marriage attraction back.
Remember, she is still that same person that you fell in love with all those years ago. However, now, she just does not want to cause you pain by telling you that she does not find you attractive anymore.
Having said that, there are still certain actions you can take to remind your wife that she has the best fish in the sea.
1. Reflect on what went wrong
Cast a neutral, retrospective eye on your marriage, right from the beginning until the present moment.
Try to highlight the time that you feel was the turning point. At times, it is an obvious event, such as an ugly fight or even an affair. However, most of the times, the answer is more subtle and harder to identify. Throughout the reflection process:
- Keep track of your thoughts by jotting them down in a journal.
- Do not force answers; it is unlikely that the wedge in your marriage was driven overnight, and it is equally unlikely that you will find a quick answer to what is a complicated question.
2. Take responsibility for the problem
Once you have grasped where things started to go wrong, you will likely also realize that your wife is not the only culprit of this disaster.
Have a heart-to-heart conversation with your wife, and accept that you could have handled the situation better:
- Let your wife know how you contributed to the problems and promise her that you will work harder to find solutions and make the marriage work.
- Do not talk about your wife’s fault even if you are tempted to – let her give the chance to admit her fault herself. For now, only focus on what you could have done differently.
3. Pay attention to her
Is it possible that you have been ignoring your wife, and now she is simply returning the favor?
If so, it is now time for you to make her the center of your attention. Whenever you are together, make her feel like you have eyes only for her, and not for your TV, phone, or newspaper.
Notice the sea of her eyes and feel the smoothness of her hair. Have conversations on topics that she enjoys talking about. Compliment her. Make her feel special and beautiful.
If you want her to start noticing you again, you need to stop making her go unnoticed.
4. Focus on the bright side
This does not mean that you are not allowed to be sad or angry, or act happy when you do not feel like it.
This means that you should start trying to look for positives in every situation, especially ones that concern your wife.
Maybe, your wife feels exhausted with life, and if she finds you contributing to the negativity, she will make sure to keep her distance from you. Be the breath of fresh air that she needs.
5. Care for her
Your wife has been caring about your needs for so many years, without you having to even ask her.
It is time that you asked yourself about what your wife needs, and what you can do to make her life easier.
Also, it is pointless if you do something for her as an obligation. Your wife will easily detect if you are doing something that you think you HAVE to, and it is bound to drive her further away.
6. Fulfill her desires
It is one thing to meet her needs, it is another to give her what she wants.
Again, ask yourself, “What is it that my wife has always wanted that I have been unable to give her?’. Perhaps she wants to complete her education which was cut short when she got married? Or, maybe her desire is as simple as spending an entire day at the beach with you.
Whatever it is, try and give it to her and show that she is still the most important person in your life and that you will do whatever you can to fulfill her dreams and desires.
7. Aim for new, mutual goals
The early days of marriage are exciting because you have a number of massive goals to look forward to and achieve. However, once you have achieved your goals, you might start to think that your marriage has little purpose or meaning.
Hence, to keep things spicy and exciting, it is important to constantly develop new mutual goals.
Remember, the keyword here is ‘mutual’ – if your wife still has massive things to achieve, while you are just happy watching TV, it is unlikely that she is going to find you attractive. She might even be inclined to cheat on you with a man who is more ambitious and purposeful.
Where aiming for mutual goals is important, it is just as crucial to celebrate each other’s achievements.
8. Express gratitude for the things she does for you
Like I said previously, her tireless efforts have been the reason that your household has been functioning so smoothly for so long, and it is high time that you acknowledged her.
You do not need to make any fancy gestures; just a simple, ‘Hey, the food today was delicious!’ or ‘You get up before 6 every morning to make breakfast for me, and I really appreciate it’ will go a long way. If you want to give her something more tangible, small Amazon gifts like these can really serve as ideal tokens of appreciation for your wife.
9. Seek out couples’ therapy
Many couples fail to go for professional counseling because they fail to acknowledge the troubles in their marriage. Even if they know something is wrong, they think of therapy as time-consuming and ineffective.
But, what is stopping you from at least giving it a shot – especially if all else is failing. Attend a few sessions, and continue only if you think you are benefiting from it.
Therapy might help you identify the underlying cause behind a lack of attraction in your marriage. Or, if you already have the root cause, you could use professional help to formulate a strategy for eliminating that problem and getting things back to normal.