Yikes! This isn’t something that any man wants to even think about, but yes, it does happen. So, what should you do when your wife has feelings for another man?
Here are some things you can do:
- See things from her point of view
- Be her friend
- Bring positive changes in yourself
- Stay persistent
These are just a few things, mind you. But if your wife has developed feelings for another man and you’re trying to win her back, here’s what you’ve got to do.
What Should You Do When Your Wife Has Feelings For Another Man?
There is no right answer to how you should react if you were to find out that your wife has developed feelings for another man. Everyone has a different way to cope with reality as harsh as this.
In my opinion, the best way to deal with this situation is to remain as calm as possible. This is, of course, easier said than done, but at this point, do not let your emotions cloud your judgment by yelling at your wife after confronting her.
Here are a few suggestions I have for you if you think that your wife has fallen for another man:
1. Be Her Friend
As I have mentioned above, the best way to deal with a situation like this is to have a calm, mature discussion with your wife and be straightforward about everything. Ask her about the man she has fallen for and try to understand why she has developed feelings for him.
2. Seek Her Perspective
Building on the previous point, ask her why she has fallen for him and how she wants to handle it. Be her friend and try to work through things. Remember, it’s unlikely that your wife developed these feelings all of a sudden. There was a trigger for these emotions, and you need to identify that trigger before you move forward.
3. Don’t Control Her
Don’t try to emotionally blackmail her, don’t try to control her by acting irrational and forcing her to stay away from the guy.
4. Don’t Force Her
If you try to retain your wife against her wishes or drive her to stay with you by making her feel ashamed and guilty, you might be living with your wife, but you won’t be happy (neither will she). The thing is – even if you ask her to stay away from him, she won’t stop having feelings for him. She has already fallen for him, so no matter what you do, her feelings might not change. So why would you try to force anything on her?
5. Don’t Give Up
Even though I believe that you cannot change how someone truly feels (not usually, anyway), still, you should never give up, especially with the love of your life. You need to get to the source of her feelings – why is this happening? Was it something you did? Is it something about her personality? Is somebody sabotaging the two of you? You need to get answers.
6. Change Yourself
One of the main reasons why married women choose the company of other men is that they feel that the man they’re with isn’t the man they fell in love with. Now, after knowing this, you can either choose to move on by feigning indifference towards the situation and forgetting about your wife ever loving you again, or you can try and fix some of the things that your wife does not like about you and give her another chance.
For instance, if you have a habit of smoking or drinking too much, you can cut down on those things to make your wife happy. Perhaps if you bring some positive change in your life, such as going to the gym or adopting a healthier lifestyle, she’ll change her mind.
The first option is highly unlikely unless you really don’t care about her (so why were you with her in the first place?) The second option seems like something you can try to save your marriage because there is always something that drives a person to go as far as falling out of love.
5 Signs That You Need to Be Aware of
Different people express affection differently, and it is not always easy to notice the signs of cheating. Most people actually hide it so well that you seem to think that you are living the perfect married life. There are, however, a few obvious changes that might raise a red flag:
1. Your Married life Changes
One of the biggest changes that you can identify is a change in your married life. If your wife is being unfaithful, the intimacy in your relationship could become non-existent. She might not be as intimate as she was before, and you might feel as if there is no real connection between you two.
2. Behavioral Changes
There are two types of behavioral changes: positive and negative. If your wife adopts healthy habits and changes her life in a positive way, that’s fine, and you should be happy for her. However, if you notice any negative changes such as moodiness, her not paying attention to you, getting easily provoked or annoyed, getting too defensive, etc., then you need to have a talk with your wife and ask her what’s going on.
3. She Is Being Dishonest
Dishonesty is also one of the biggest signs of infidelity. If your wife starts lying to you too often or starts avoiding a subject that you want to discuss (like why she’s always late from work or who she’s texting on her phone), she might be having feelings for someone else. One of the signs of dishonest behavior is secrecy. If your wife is keeping secrets from you, you should consider it a red flag.
4. Your Wife Becomes Indifferent
When your wife starts to feel indifferent, she might stop caring about everything that she once cared for. For instance, she might not have the same hobbies anymore, she might not care if you came home late, she does not get jealous no matter what you tell her, or she easily gets bored with you. These can be signs of infidelity or just a wrecked marriage. You should sit down with your wife and have a conversation with her about how you feel.
5. Sudden Changes
There are a few sudden changes that occur when your wife is having an affair with another man. For example, she does not say “I love you” anymore, she spends more time outside, she dresses differently, she suddenly becomes less attentive to you than usual, she does not communicate much with you, etc. Now, these changes on their own don’t really indicate that something’s wrong, but if you notice a lot of them happening at the same time, you should start asking questions.
How Should You React?
Almost all marriages face some ups and downs throughout the journey. It is okay to have problems in your relationship as long as you both are willing to work things out together.
You might think that men are more likely to cheat instead of women. However, according to IFS, the gender gap varies by age. Women between the ages of 18 to 29 are slightly more likely to cheat than men.
If you start seeing signs of infidelity, you need to have a talk with your wife. It is better to have a calm discussion about it rather than accusing and blaming each other (it will only make things worse).
Why Did Your Wife Fall For Another Man?
Here are a few reasons why women fall for another man:
Sometimes women fall for another man when they don’t get what they want from their relationship. Maybe your wife was not happy with you for a long time, so she fell for someone who made her happy. Again, talking to your wife can help you get to the source of her unhappiness, and you can then work toward fixing that issue.
2. Lack of Attention
It is highly likely that your partner will start having feelings for someone else if you don’t give her enough attention. Maybe your wife lost interest in you because you did not give her the attention that someone else did – for instance, working late, not spending enough time with your wife, or giving more importance to your friends instead of her.
3. Traits and Behavior
Your wife could develop feelings for another man if she does not like certain traits about you. This want for another man gets worse if you’re not willing to work on your issue. For example, if you are short-tempered or constantly get annoyed and provoked over everything, your wife will probably live in fear and won’t be happy.
4. No Communication
Lack of effective communication and active listening are some of the ways you can lose your partner. If you don’t talk to your wife much or spend enough time with her, she will find someone else to fulfill these needs. Women need an intimate emotional connection, and they need a companion they can talk to. If you can’t provide that for her, someone else might.
Things to Avoid
There are a few things which you should definitely avoid if you find out that your wife has feelings for another man.
1. Begging Her to Give You Another Chance and Promising Her That You Will Do Whatever It Takes
No woman wants to teach her husband and tell him what she wants. She is not your teacher (or your mother). A man should know what he should do to be with his woman. Begging her and asking her to love you again is the last thing you want to do.
2. Don’t Try To Change Your Looks to Make Her Love You Again
Now, before we get into this point, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t hit the gym or start eating right. I’m talking more along the lines of things like cosmetic surgery and buying ridiculously expensive clothes when you know you can’t afford it. This will not work; even if it does, it will only be a temporary solution (and an unaffordable one at that) as she will be in love with how you look rather than with you as a person. You don’t want that, do you?
The Bottom Line
According to Talal Asleem, a leading expert in the field of infidelity counseling, “It’s very crucial for people not only to have a clear contract in the beginning but also to continue to have those discussions about their relationship expectations on a regular basis.”
The best thing to do is to be patient and calm. Let things flow and let your wife decide what she wants to do. Let her handle the situation herself. The important thing to remember is that you cannot force yourself into a person’s life if they don’t want you.