You probably didn’t notice when your wife stopped saying ‘I love you,’ but when she started saying the opposite, you had to sit up and take notice.
The very first time you heard her utter those three painful words, you stayed up the entire night, your mind bludgeoning you with questions like, ‘My wife just told me she hates me – but WHY?’ and ‘What to do when your wife says she hates you?’.
Your wife might hate you because you are always arguing with her, do not improve your habits, or because she is dealing with a lot herself. Let us discuss these reasons in detail, before moving on to the remedies.
Reasons That Your Wife Might Hate You:
1. She is dealing with a lot
Getting married means having a larger family, but it also means having a greater load of household responsibilities, duties, and chores.
Ideally, this household workload should be shared amongst the partners, but perhaps that is not the case in your marriage, and your wife is worn out carrying the lion’s share of the load.
So, perhaps you need to take a step back and ask yourself, ‘Do I really contribute to household work as much as I should? Is there anything more I can do?’.
Sure, you might be caught up with your office work, but remember that, unlike you, your wife does not get an off day from her daunting job of managing the house.
2. You constantly argue with her
Sure, no relationship is complete without quarrels – in fact, they are an essential ingredient, since they show that you are invested and committed.
However, continuous fights or unresolved arguments often lead to resentment, which masquerades as hatred.
Make a genuine attempt to take the hostility out of your arguments, and maybe even try to see things from your wife’s perspective – it will encourage her to act similarly.
3. You make big decisions without discussing them with her
Perhaps you chose your kids’ schools or decided to buy that home cinema, all by yourself.
Your wife has an equal say in such decisions, and you not running things by her likely makes her feel unimportant and frustrated.
It is very much possible that your heart is in the right place with whatever you do, but please make sure to involve your wife when making decisions that might affect her in some way.
4. Your wife feels insecure
Your wife may be unsure of her place and importance in your life.
Do you spend late nights at work? Do you often cancel on her to spend the weekend with your colleagues or friends?
Perhaps, you are not giving her the time and attention that she craves and is worthy of? Perhaps, when she says that she hates you, what she is really saying is that she hates herself for not being good enough for you?
5. Do you snore?
Sometimes, the answers to the big questions lie in the little things – like those terrifying (not for you, of course) sounds you make while slumbering.
I understand that snoring is not something you can control by yourself, but that does not mean that it is not irritating for your wife, who – between the children and household stuff – is probably already sleep-deprived.
Nasal sprays and humidifiers are some convenient ways to reduce snoring. If you want a more permanent solution, you could even consider surgery or purchasing a CPAP machine.
6. She does not like your habits
Maybe your wife does not hate you, but is only disapproving of particular habits that you have?
Think about it – do you, despite repeated reminders, forget to put the dishes in the washer? Or, do you, despite constant disapprovals, continue to place your dirty shoes at the doorstep?
I am not saying that you should let your wife control you in every way, but know that marriage is sometimes about compromising and sacrificing; a tiny compromise in return for your wife’s affection is a fair bet, wouldn’t you say?
7. You do not make her feel attractive
When you started dating, you made your wife feel attractive, beautiful, and desirable. Reintroduce those little compliments, quick kisses, and unexpected flowers.
Even though the love is still very much present, its expression seems to have altered or even faded.
In return, your wife might think that you do not consider her beautiful or worthy. Once again, this pain might disguise itself as hatred and resentment towards you.
Start complimenting your wife at every chance you get. Make her feel attractive, and she is bound to get closer to you.
8. You do not have a purpose in life
Or so your wife thinks.
They say, ‘there is nothing less attractive than a lack of ambition.’ Well, they are more correct than you think.
Your wife fell in love with this ambitious, dedicated, and goal-oriented person. But somewhere along the way, you lost your purpose and, as a result, your wife’s respect and love.
It is time that you started finding some direction in your life and set some new targets to achieve with your wife by your side.
9. You are still closely connected to your exes
This is an extension of point number three but still deserves to be there on its own.
Your past is important, but it is called ‘past’ for a reason. You do not have to hate your ex-partners, but you need to spend more time growing and enhancing your current, lifelong relationship.
Do not let your wife think that she is still competing with other women for your love and attention.
10. You criticize her too much
If your wife starts to feel that she can never get it right with you, she is bound to start hating you sooner rather than later.
I do not mean that you should sweep every mistake that she makes under the rug. Rather, offset your critical remarks with an appreciation for all the good that she does.
This will ease the sting of your critique and actually encourage your wife to take it as constructive criticism.
11. Your wife is struggling with a mental illness
When people are anxious or depressed, they tend to lash out at those around them.
Make sure that your wife is not fighting a mental illness, and, if she is, get her the treatment that she needs.
12. You let your parents interfere
Marriage is a private affair, and your wife expects you to keep it private. Things get worse when your side of the family interferes, and you do not stand up for your wife.
You should absolutely not disrespect your parents or ignore what they have to say, but make sure that you and your wife are calling the shots in your life.
13. You blame her for everything
It is always harder to own up to your mistakes than to deflect them onto someone else – in this case, your wife.
The next time things do not go according to plan, take a step back and ask yourself how you might have contributed to this negative situation. More often than not, you will find that you are an equal culprit.
Once you are ready to take responsibility, go back to the discussion table with your wife and figure out how you can act differently in the future.
How to Make Your Wife Stop Hating You?
I hope that, by now, you would have understood the reason(s) behind your wife’s hatred, and you are committed to turning things around.
Here are a few ways to do that:
1. Start contributing more to household work
As we said, household responsibilities should be divided between a married couple, so that is a good place to begin.
For instance, if she is doing the cleaning up, you can wash the dishes. If she is cooking, you can take responsibility for getting all the groceries. If she is dropping off and picking up the kids from school, you can take care of their homework.
Whenever you have a bit of extra time, ask your wife if there is anything that she needs help with.
2. Laugh and smile with her
Especially when you think when things are not going your way.
For instance, you are on a tight budget and you need to get a broken window replaced. Instead of cribbing about a lack of money, you could say, ‘Hey, instead of taking the car and spending on fuel, I will walk to work for the next two weeks. Getting my beach body ready, you know.’
Life is hard, and you can never stay free of obstacles or roadblocks. It is important that we do not forget to see the funny side of things every now and then.
3. Appreciate what she does
Once married, it is easy to take your partner and her efforts for granted.
Maybe you subconsciously feel that she is yours now, and you do not need to appreciate her anymore. Or perhaps the burden of your job is getting to you.
Whatever the reason, it is time to start being vocal about your wife’s efforts. Let her know that the meal was delicious or that she looks like a princess when she dresses up for you.
4. Show that you are working to improve yourself
It is unlikely that you will be able to get rid of all your undesirable (to your wife) habits overnight – your wife does not expect you to, either.
What she does expect, though, is genuine effort and willingness to change for the better.
If your wife notices this effort and desire for improvement, she will calm down and not nag you about altering your ways.
5. Make her feel attractive
It is important that you see your wife as the prettiest woman on earth, and make this known to her.
Start flirting with her as you used to when the two of you started dating. Tell her that she looks smoking in that red dress, bring her gifts like these when she is least expecting them, steal a kiss while she is working in the kitchen, and take her out on a surprise date night.
Your wife will be excited to see that you still find her attractive and irresistible even though her appearance has changed over the years.
Here are more tips on how to make your wife feel attractive and loved.
6. Talk to her
The simplest techniques are often the most effective ones. Unfortunately, they are often the most ignored and underrated as well.
When you feel that something is wrong with your wife, ask her about it. Be empathetic and calm, and make her feel that she can confide in you.
Once she regains your trust, she will be able to tell you the reasons she thinks she hates you, and the two of you can start addressing her complaints.
7. Spend more time with her
Between work, household, and kids, you and your wife barely get to see each other, let alone spend quality private time.
You do not realize this increasing distance and, by the time you do, the situation is beyond repairable.
Before it gets to this point, start spending more time with your wife. You can take out one day every week where you spend a few hours all by yourself.
Remember that the main reason you married your wife is that you wanted to spend your life with her. If you are not doing that, you are undermining the entire purpose of your marriage.
8. Reignite the lost love
To make your wife fall in love with you again, you need to remind her how beautiful it feels.
Remember, once a feeling makes its home in your heart, it never leaves – even though it might hide away for a while.
You just need to find those hidden feelings. Show her that you are the same man she fell for, and the best way to do it is by working on yourself. Start hitting the gym to shed those extra pounds, take your vitamins, make healthy eating choices, and start picking stylish attires.
You can also encourage your wife to do some of the stuff that you did at the start of your relationship. Maybe, revisit the place you first felt butterflies for each other, or take another trip to your magical honeymoon destination.