Do you often find yourself asking, “why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?”
It probably has to do with how they are feeling. Perhaps, your ex is still hurt, wants to be left alone, or/and is trying to move on – or possibly, has moved on. Another likelihood is that your ex is waiting for you to contact them first, which is often the case when you have broken up with them in the first place.
Reason Why Your Ex Hasn’t Tried To Contact You:
Let’s dig into some more fundamental reasons why your ex may not have reached out to you after it’s over:
1. Your Ex Doesn’t Have Feelings for You Anymore
Your ex won’t contact you if they don’t like you, love you, or care about you anymore. The truth can be a hard pill to swallow, but the sooner you realize it, the better.
2. Your Ex Doesn’t See a Future with You Anymore
Perhaps your ex has realized that you and they are two completely different persons with different aims/goals in life. Knowing this, your ex may not see any point in being with you as well as to contact you.
3. Your Ex is Dating Someone Else
While you are stuck in the past, waiting for your ex to come back. But certainly, the same case can’t be with your ex. It’s very much possible for your ex to have moved on and been back in the dating pool again.
The likelihood of happening so is greater when your ex has broken up with you and for a legit reason such as compatibility issues, dissatisfaction with the relationship, etc.
4. Your Ex Feels Remorse for Hurting You
Another reason why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you could be that they are guilty of their actions. Maybe they said mean things to you while breaking up or did things they weren’t proud of during the relationship. In either case, there is less chance for your ex to reach out to you.
5. Your Ex Is Childish
This is usually the case when the break up happens for some stupid reason where your ex is at fault – because of their insecurities or internal/external issues.
Despite you clearing the air and explaining to them that you shouldn’t be held responsible for what they are feeling, if your ex continues to argue and fight with you and eventually leaves you and doesn’t talk to you again, it means your ex is immature.
6. Your Ex Wants You to Reach Out to Them First
Were you the one who broke up with your ex? If yes, then your ex, who respects you and your decisions, won’t contact you again.
Also, your ex wouldn’t want to sabotage their ego and self-respect by talking to you first when you were the one who called it quits or when you both mutually decided to go separate ways. In these cases, your ex may be expecting you to text or call them first.
7. Your Ex Is Still Upset or Angry
If you and your ex broke up on bad terms, where both of you snarled mean things at each other, then chances are your ex has not been over all of that yet. They are still sad and crossed with you.
8. Your Ex Is Stubborn
Did your ex end the relationship over a big fight? You may expect them to contact you to apologize or to discuss the matter. But if your ex hasn’t done any of these things, then your ex is inflexible and doesn’t like admitting their error or defeat.
What Should You Do If Your Ex Doesn’t Contact You?
So, your ex isn’t trying to contact you in any way, and you are in a perplexing situation, wondering if you could do anything to resolve this issue.
Here’s a step-by-step guide to things you can do in such a case:
1. First, Ask Yourself Why You Eagerly Want Your Ex to Contact You
First thing first, ask yourself why you are so desperate that your ex reaches out to you. Are you feeling lonely? Do you miss talking to them? Are you craving the love and care they used to shower you with?
Knowing the exact reason why you want your ex to contact you will help you decide your next step. For example, if you are feeling sad and lonely only because you have no one to have sweet, intimate conversations with, you should try to move on. The problem is you are not missing your ex, but you are experiencing the emptiness of the emotional closeness you used to feel with your ex. Give yourself some time and space to fully understand your emotions.
2. Consider Texting Your Ex
There’s nothing wrong with texting your ex first if they haven’t tried to contact you. However, it’s only appropriate to text your ex first if:
- You want to apologize to your ex for your behavior
- You want to clear some misunderstanding
- You called off the relationship but now want to get back with your ex
- You want to be friends with your ex
- You still love your ex and want to ask them to give you a second chance
3. Take Help from a Mutual Friend
If there’s no way to contact your ex – maybe they have blocked you from everywhere and aren’t replying to your calls or text messages – seek help from a mutual friend. Perhaps they can help you in getting in touch with your ex. They can also tell you if your ex has moved on – dating someone else, don’t want to talk to you at all, and so on.
4. Don’t Chase Your Ex If They Aren’t Interested in Talking to You
If you tried to reach out to your ex via texts and they don’t reply back, let it be. Don’t flood them with your calls and text messages. You will come across as needy and desperate, and that’s the last thing you would want.
Also, don’t start arguing or fighting with your ex if they have outgrown you, are dating someone else, or simply don’t want to stay in touch with you. Be mature and respect your ex’s decision.
5. Give Your Ex Some Space and Time
If you tried to contact your ex and they talk to you rudely, it means your ex is still hurt or upset and they need some space or time to feel better. Apologize or try cheering them up, and even then they don’t talk to you properly, take a step back.
Giving your ex some time and space will allow them to process the whole break up, and they will eventually contact you when they feel better and if they want to get back with you.
6. Move On with Your Life
If your ex has moved on, you should, too. There’s no point lamenting on your relationship with your ex when you can’t do anything about it. if you can’t be with your ex again or they don’t want you in their life, you should accept this reality as it is and move on.
How to Resist the Urge to Reach Out to Your Ex When They Have Moved On?
So, it’s been months since your ex hasn’t contacted you. Probably they are not interested in you anymore or/and are dating someone new. In such a case scenario, you should avoid reaching out to your ex because they have moved on. Here’s how:
1. Distract Yourself with Other Things
Moving on isn’t simple. It’s the small things that can act as emotional triggers and bring you back sweet memories of your ex. For instance, you may be browsing Netflix and came across a movie you both watched together and had a great time. This may end up making you feel super sad and nostalgic. What you need to do is remove all sorts of emotional triggers from your life to resist the need to reach out to your ex.
2. Make Yourself Understand That You Can Do Better
Think about it – was your ex the most amazing guy in the world? Probably not! Don’t forget – there are plenty of fish in the sea, so don’t hold yourself back for your ex, and move on!
3. Don’t Give Up and Stay Strong
You have been doing so well so far, so don’t give in! You can get over your ex just as they have. You’ve got this!
4. If They Want to Talk to You, They Would
When your ex isn’t trying to reach out to you, especially if they broke up with you, then they probably don’t want to talk to you. If they want to get in touch with you, they will reach out to you – till then, enjoy your life!
5. Rather Than Sending Your Ex a Text, Send it to Yourself
This is the best way to fight the urge to reach out to your ex. Whatever you want to say to your ex via texts, say it to yourself. You will actually feel good!
How to Talk to Your Ex to Get Back Together?
Here are a few tips and tricks to follow to get back together with your ex successfully:
1. Text Them
Instead of waiting on your ex to contact you, try making an attempt to reach out to them first. Send them a simple yet sweet message that will ensure that you get their reply. For example, say something like, “I went grocery shopping today. Came across your favorite new Lindt chocolate. Reminded me of you!”
2. Catch Up
Once you start talking to your ex, catch up on their life. Learn what they have been up to while both of you were apart. This will help you with keeping the conversation alive.
3. Make Plans to Meet Up
Once you have re-developed a strong base with your ex, make meet up plans with them. Try to make it sound casual so that you don’t end up making them feel awkward. How about saying, “hey, I’m going to this new Chinese restaurant for lunch today. Would you be interested in joining me?”
4. Deal with the Elephant in the Room
After you have rekindled the lost bond with your ex, try discussing and resolving the problems both of you had in the past. While it at, be honest and convey how you want to re-approach the relationship. Listen to your ex, too and see what they have to say. Assure them of love and care and that you both can make the relationship work. Confidence is the key here.
What Are the Best Conversation Subjects to Talk to Your Ex with?
You and your ex are finally talking – whether you have contacted them first or it’s the other way around, try talking to your ex about these subjects to let the flow of amenity goes both ways:
1. Everyday Life
Discuss your current activities – routine, changes in the lifestyle, new job (if any), and so on. Avoid basing the conversation around your love life. For instance, avoid talking about being hit on by new people.
2. Special Memories
Reminisce happy memories you two shared. The aim is to think of special times that you and your ex experienced together and brought you two close to each other.
3. Talk About Your Ex’s Passion(s)
The best way to get your ex interested in you (again) is to talk about one of their passions. If your ex loves cooking, ask what new recipes they have tried so far, if they are planning to turn their passion into full-time employment, and so on.
4. Ask About Their Friends and Family
Show them you still care about their loved ones, so don’t forget to ask your ex how their parents, siblings, or their best friend is doing.
How to Talk to Your Ex If They Contact You?
If your ex comes back into your life out of the blue, you may not realize how to react to it for a second. If you still have feelings for your ex, you will feel a sudden surge of happiness. However, don’t reply back immediately. Take time to comprehend your feelings and to figure out what you ultimately want out of this conversation.
If you are still hurt and upset with your ex – maybe they cheated on you, lied to you, were mean to you, etc. – you may prefer avoiding them and not talking to them at all. However, you should give a chance to your ex and see what they have to say about themselves. Hear them out, and then you can decide how you want to go about it.
When talking to your ex, be honest. Let them know how and what you are feeling. Don’t lie or play around. Be direct and straightforward. Also, listen to them intently. Maybe your ex is extremely remorseful over their past behavior and seeks genuine forgiveness from you. Be empathetic but don’t brush off your feelings for the sake of your ex. If you are unhappy or angry that your ex acted the way they did, talk about it. Don’t suppress your emotions. Let them all out.
Also, if your ex reaches out to you, don’t overanalyze the situation. Maybe your ex only came back to apologize to you or to clarify some misunderstanding. Don’t over-read the situation and deal with it as you feel like. Remember, you can take your time to respond to your ex, and you don’t need to respond at all if you don’t want to. At the end of the day, it’s your life, and you should live the way you want to!
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