No Contact Rule: Everything You Need to Know!
Often, people get confused about the no-contact period and how to initiate contact after no contact period.
In a nutshell, you should not be contacting your ex at all if you plan to move on. However, if you do wish to get them back, you will eventually have to break the no-contact rule.
What is the No-Contact Rule?
The no-contact rule, as the name suggests, is a time period during which you are not supposed to contact your ex.
The no-contact rule can be used to recover after a breakup, ease your mind, and promote self-growth.
If you wish to get back with your ex, you can end the no-contact rule once you feel that you are ready to resume communication.
However, if you have no such intentions and wish to move on, you do not break the no-contact rule.
Why No-Contact?
MRI scans have shown that the effects of breaking up with a romantic partner are similar to those that a drug addict suffers during withdrawal.
Hence, when you initiate no-contact with your ex, you are essentially going cold-turkey.
This means that you cannot text or call them, ‘accidentally’ bump into them, or even put up status messages intended for them.
This way, you will be able to break yourself free of your ex and learn to live without them.
Breaking this addiction is crucial, even if you plan to get back together with them. This is because you do not want to come across as needy or desperate when you do eventually break the no-contact rule.
To make yourself seem attractive again, you will have to show your ex that you are confident and happy.
While there is no set duration for the no-contact rule, it should last for at least thirty days following your breakup.
How to Cope During No Contact?
A no-contact period is never easy – considering that you are already going through the pain of the breakup.
Every fiber of being wants to just wants to pick up the phone and text or call your ex.
However, the no-contact period is essential because it sends a statement – a statement that you value yourself and your self-esteem above everything and everyone else.
But this does not still mean that you do not crave contact with the person you envisioned as your life partner.
We have a few suggestions that might make your no-contact life easier:
1. Remove your ex off your social media
One way of making this phase easy is by cutting social media ties with your ex. Unfriend, unfollow, delete.
Stalking your ex’s social media pages will probably just make you miss them more and create further hardships in maintaining no-contact.
In fact, it might not be a bad idea to take a complete break from social media.
Another way to survive the no-contact period is by deleting any pictures that you might have of the two of you together. Reminiscing the good old times will just be like opening old wounds.
2. Date someone else
Also, why not think about dating someone else? We are not saying that you need to get into a full-fledged relationship with them (considering that your plan is to ultimately get back with your ex).
However, there is nothing wrong with enjoying someone’s company for a while and enjoy life.
3. Pursue a hobby
Speaking of enjoying life, you could consider taking up a new hobby or chasing a long-time passion. You could enroll in that online acting course or take up Wednesday-night basketball with your buddies.
The more you focus on yourself, your goals, and your growth (while minimizing the focus on your ex), the easier the no contact period will seem.
Does No Contact Work?
The truth is, it depends on the type of person your ex is. Regardless, it does show them that you will not be begging or chasing.
If your ex had high hopes that you would come running back to them as soon as you guys broke up, your no-contact policy might exasperate them a bit.
This might turn into a waiting game – one that you do not need to play. You should not wait for or expect them to contact you. In fact, do the exact opposite – give them a bit of time even if they reach out to you.
Signs that no-contact is working
1. Obsession
You find yourself swimming in text messages from your ex, asking if the two of you can talk.
If you have a social media, you might find them suddenly liking all your pictures and posts or sending voice messages on Facebook.
2. Sincerity
When you do eventually talk, you will notice that your ex is being a lot more open with their emotions and feelings.
You will not have to put in extra effort to make them open up.
3. Fear
You will observe that your ex is now ‘walking on eggshells’ during your conversations. They do not want to lose you again, and hence, are careful about what they say.
This fear is also what might compel them to return to you, especially if they are afraid that you might move on and replace them.
4. Reciprocity
They will start realizing the value of the time and energy you dedicated and will now go out of their way to reciprocate.
Also, they have now seen that you do not depend on them in any way and so will not overexert or disrespect yourself for the sake of keeping them in your life.
