Breakups are never easy – especially if the person you have broken up with is someone with whom you envisioned spending the rest of your life.
Breaking up can make you unhappy and miserable, and the pain can easily compel you to just text, call, or even walk up to your ex and tell them how much you miss them and want them back.
Such feelings might force you to think, ‘should I tell my ex that I miss her/him?’ However, no matter how strong the urge, do not tell your ex that you miss them. Let us now dive into the why.
Should I Tell My Ex I Miss Her/Him?
As mentioned earlier, it will be wrong to tell your ex that you miss them. For starters, if they are the one who ended the relationship, your confession will make them feel suffocated and will likely push them further away from you.
However, that is not even the most important bit; think about what it would do to you. Telling your ex that you miss them is your way of consciously or subconsciously seeking a similar response from their side. You hope that your ex will realize that they miss you too, and the two of you will be able to get back together.
How Will He/ She React?
Unfortunately, the chances are that you will not get the kind of positive response you are looking for. The resulting emotional setback will mean further devastation for you.
Remember that if your ex ended things between you, they are likely not missing you or contemplating contacting you. For this reason, your message will make you feel desperate and less-than, which is not something you want. It is crucial that you keep your self-esteem intact, no matter how difficult.
Your Ex Is Not Missing You
Hard as it is to accept, your ex left you because they did not want to be around you. Perhaps your ex’s thinking patterns stopped being compatible with yours, or that they started forming negative associations with you.
Regardless of the reason, leaving you was a decision that they made willingly, which means that they are not regretting it and certainly not missing you.
Therefore, sending an ‘I miss you’ text will further irritate them, and they might end up disrespecting you. There is no need to put yourself through the pain of another rejection.
Your Ex Has Moved On
Another hard truth to digest is that your ex had moved on from you well before your relationship ended. No one just wakes up one day and decides that they are done. In other words, the breakup came as a shock to you and not to your ex, which means that they are not reeling from its effects.
Actions speak louder than words, and, in this case, your ex’s actions are screaming that they have emotionally detached themselves from you.
Contacting them and expressing the fact that you miss them will just tamper with their recovery process and push them further away from you.
Do not let yourself think that they will move on if you do not act quick enough. Remember that they have already moved on, so things cannot get much worse – unless you decide to interfere and prolong their healing process.
How Does Confessing to An Ex Appear?
Contacting your ex and telling them that you miss them means that you are craving their attention – attention that they have decided no longer belongs to you.
The helplessness associated with such a confession means that you are giving your ex the power to treat you like you do not matter or are worthless.
They will feel bothered by you, and might end up ignoring your texts or calls, or even block your number. If you try and initiate physical contact with them against their will, the consequences could be worse.
Most people who end a relationship do not act kindly when the other person tells them that they still miss, love, or need them.
Do not think that you confessing your love for them will make them blush and run straight back into your arms.
That ship has sailed, at least for the time being.
Instead, they will feel smothered and lash out at you for threatening their freedom and disrespecting their choice.
What to Do If You Miss Your Ex?
Although it might seem that approaching your ex and confessing your feelings is your only option, there are a few other, smarter things you can do to ease the hurt.
One of such things is grabbing a pen and paper and put down everything that you would like to say to your ex. This should include your emotions, feelings, desires, needs, and expectations.
Do not hold back. See this as an opportunity to let out everything that you have been stuffing inside your heart and brain.
Write Your Heart Out
Writing has a therapeutic effect, which is why many psychologists and mental health experts recommend jotting down any bothersome thoughts or ideas.
It is like talking to your friends or family about your breakup – only that this approach does not require an active listener. Writing is particularly effective if you do not have someone to confide in or your fear being judged.
Putting pen to paper will not automatically make your desires for your ex vanish, but it will alleviate them to an extent that you will be able to survive without contacting them.
Should You Let Them Know Your Feelings
Of course, now you might have the temptation to send this letter to your ex, perhaps through an intermediary like a mutual friend.
I do not need to tell you why this is a bad idea. It will end up causing all the mayhem that we are trying to avoid, and the entire ‘pen to paper’ exercise will turn out to be futile.
Instead, once you think that you have written everything that was inside you, tear the paper to pieces or discard it.
Repeat the process any time you feel the desire to contact your ex. The exercise will prove effective as long as you are honest in what you are writing.
Should I Tell My Ex That I Miss Them If They Initiate Contact?
When your ex broke up with you, they left you heartbroken. They did what they wanted to do, and never bothered to think about what their actions might do to you.
Perhaps they told you that you are still an important part of their life or that they want to stay friends with you.
Regardless of their words, you must remember that your ex does not hold any affection for you and does not care whether you still love them.
In fact, they would rather that you stopped loving them. They are done with your confessions and expressions of love.
Your Ex Made a Conscious Decision to Leave You
Once again, it is crucial to remember that your ex was not forced into the decision of ending the relationship. It was a conscious and rational decision, made after weighing all the pros and cons.
And, clearly, they felt that the pros of leaving you outweighed the cons.
Hence, even if and when they initiate a relationship, they absolutely do not want you telling them that you still miss or love them.
Doing so will either irritate them or make them feel guilty about not being able to reciprocate the feelings. Either way, they will try to escape and shut you out completely.
The past and all the good times you spent there do not matter to them anymore. They made their decision focusing on the present and the future, and, unfortunately, they cannot see themselves with you.
If they said that they wanted to be friends with you, remember that that is all that they want. And if you keep singing the same tune, they will not hesitate in ending the friendship and relegating you to a stranger either.
Will I Ever Stop Missing My Ex?
If you are suffering from the blow of a breakup you never saw coming, it is easy and understandable to think that you might never be able to move on from your ex.
However, although it might take some time, the heavy heart and the tearful eye will eventually subside. You need to start focusing on your well-being and start finding your joys elsewhere.
Separation anxiety is a form of anxiety, and it does not subside until you snap out of nostalgia and start living in the present moment.
There is no point in wallowing for what was lost. Instead, start focusing on all the beauty that life still holds and be grateful for everything that you still have.
Find an activity or hobbyand stick to it. This could include going to the gym or learning to play a new instrument.
Get in touch with your friends and start stepping out of your house. A change of scenery has a positive effect on our brain chemistry.
In other words, start pouring into yourself all the love that you had for your ex. This is a surefire way of ensuring that you stop missing them.