Why Does He Check Up on Me? (Explained with Reasons!)

You have broken up with your ex, but he still religiously texts or calls you.

If this behavior has made you wonder, ‘why does he keep checking up on me?’, this article is for you.

Getting to the bottom of this mystery will require you to take several things into account, and I hope that, by the end of this article, you will have your answers.

Why Does He Check Up on Me

Things to consider:

If you find your ex texting or checking up on you, there are two main aspects you need to consider:

  1. See if you are still in the no-contact period. Also, notice the amount of time since he has been providing this unsolicited checking up.
  2. Secondly, look for any indicators that might suggest that your ex is behaving or responding to you in a different manner than he usually does.

If you can know these things, you can get a fair idea about his motivations and mindset, and enable you to understand the reason(s) he might be checking up on you.

Now, let us get down to the crux of the matter – the reasons that your ex might be checking up on you. These are some of the most common and consistent motivations:

1. He feels guilty

If your ex feels guilty about breaking up with you, he will likely try to contact you during the no-contact period.

This guilt might exist if your ex cheated on you, deserted you without breaking up, or acted in some other awful way (like calling off the engagement).

When you first find your ex checking up on you, you might wonder why is he doing it if he was the one who ended things.

If there is a breakup involved, understand that checking up on you might well be your ex’s way of clearing his conscience and alleviate his guilt. Besides checking up on you, he might send texts like:

  • “I apologize for what happened”
  • “I wish things had not ended”
  • “You deserve someone better

2. He is lonely

This reason for checking up on you is also extremely common during the no-contact period.


Your ex thought that he would be fine without talking to you. However, he soon received a reality check and realized what an important part of his daily life you were.

He will miss the little texts and conversations that you had throughout the day, and he will suddenly find himself very lonely without them.

So, do not be surprised to receive texts like, “Hey, how is everything?” or “How is your day going?”

Of course, the ‘loneliness’ reason for checking up on you only applies if your ex is not already in a new relationship. If he is, he is probably going to contact her new girlfriend whenever he feels lonely.

Often, these texts can be the result of a combination of guilt and loneliness. Breakups are complicated, and the wave of mixed emotions might compel your boyfriend to behave in unpredictable and inconsistent manners.

A lonely ex-boyfriend might send the following texts:

  • “Hey, how are you?”
  • “What’s up?”
  • “I think I saw you at XYZ”

3. He is bored

If your ex is bored, he is likely going to contact you after the no-contact period.

Why is that?

Well, a lot of guys decide to dive into the party world as soon as they break up. They missed being single, and they now want to make the most of their newfound freedom.

However, this phase will end as soon as your ex has spent all his money or once he realizes that all his friends are dating and cannot be with him all the time.

Once that happens, he will be forced into the life that he had before he met you. This would include:

  • Television.
  • Video games.
  • Work.
  • Eating restaurant food.

Eventually, this stage will also get over. Once that happens, your boyfriend will be struck by the fact-filled wrecking ball that you are not there in your life – and he will have to deal with the massive gap that you left behind.

He will realize how much more fun life was when you were around, and the thought of missing you will make its way to the front of his mind.

This boredom will then trigger him to text you – someone who made him feel less bored.

Now, of course, you do not want to play the joker for him, and so you need to watch out for signs that your ex is checking up on you out of boredom. Some of those signs include:

  • Your ex is not putting any efforts into the conversation.
  • He lacks interesting stuff to say.
  • He gets in touch sporadically.
  • He only texts when he is absolutely free.
  • He texts but refuses to meet.

4. He is angry and resentful

If this kind of text happens during no-contact, it is likely that your ex is mad that you are not paying attention to him.

If you text your ex after the no-contact period and he responds angrily, it is a sign that he has still not recovered from the breakup and that it is too soon to contact him.

On the other hand, it is likely that your ex-boyfriend is not so much angry as he is resentful with you. When this is the case, your ex will likely display that resentment in the form of passive-aggressive texts or remarks.

This shows that your ex is holding on to something that he is finding hard to let go of. He is not enraged, nor is he completely fine. So, his objective is to display a bit of hostility without coming off as outright rude.

So, a resentful ex-boyfriend checking up on you might sound something like:

“Hey, how are you? What are you doing with all that free time now that you are done with me?”

Naturally, these types of texts are expected if you are the one who ended things or if you cheated on him. Other signs of angry or resentful texts will include:

  • Blaming you for the breakup.
  • An upset tone.
  • Him saying that he never wants to talk to you again (only to contact you again after a few days or even hours).
  • Him telling you that he hates you.
  • Insulting you.

5. He misses your friendship

Not all breakups have to result in mutual hate. Remember that you were likely good friends before you started dating, and your ex is missing your amiable company.

Some signs that he is missing your friendship, include:

  • He will indulge in factual conversations.
  • Will seek your advice on other girls.
  • Complains about his problems.
  • He tells you that he is glad to be friends with you.
  • He talks to you like he would talk to one of his male friends.

However, while it might seem like a good idea to shake the hand of friendship, you need to ensure that you are stable enough to maintain that relation without allowing the lines to get blur again.

6. He wants to check if you have moved on

If your ex sees the breakup as a battle of resolve between the two sides, he will likely check up on you to see if he is in the winning position.

In other words, he wants to make sure that you are not moving on faster than he is. So, expect him to initiate contact as a way of checking whether you have given up and moved on.

You can also expect these kinds of texts if you start seeing someone else. This is because your new relationship will activate your ex’s panic mode.

It is slightly harder to decipher the motive behind such a contact approach. It might be that your ex:

  • Really misses you.
  • Wants to keep you as a plan B.
  • Still has feelings for you and want to see if they are mutual.

Signs that your ex is trying to see if you are moving on, are:

  • He will ask you if you are in a new relationship.
  • He will try to trigger your jealousy.
  • He checks or keeps bringing up your dating profile.
  • He initiates a conversation but disappears midway (to see if you will double text or get mad).
  • He appears nervous.

7. He wants you back

Well, sorry for keeping the most obvious reason for the last.

It is terribly common for ex-boyfriends to snap back into their senses after a breakup and realize what they are missing.

These kinds of conversations can happen at any point after a breakup, regardless of whether you are in the no-contact period or not.

Sometimes, your ex will approach you and straight up ask you to get back with him. However, in most cases, he will start with small talk and eventually bring up the subject of patching up.

If your ex wants you back, he will send a large number of texts or make numerous calls. He will also keep tabs on you through your social media, family, or friends.

If your ex’s conversations include the following signs, you might consider the possibility that he wants to get back with you:

  • He asks about your day.
  • Brings up talking to your family or friends.
  • Discusses your social media profile or posts.
  • He says he wants to meet you in person.
  • Says that he needs to ask you something.
  • Throws compliments.
  • He bluntly asks you to get back with him.