So, you realize you made a grave mistake by cheating on your partner and want to regain his trust. In this case, you may wonder, “How to get your boyfriend back?”
Firstly, understand that it is very difficult to forgive a cheating partner. Ask yourself what made you let go of your self-control in the first place. Admit your mistake, apologize, and then chalk up a strategy to make your boyfriend forgive you.
What Made You Cheat Your Boyfriend?
1. Long-distance relationship
A long-distance commitment is hard to maintain as it limits face-to-face contact between a couple. Technological advancement has made video calling possible, but it is unable to provide an alternative to physical contact.
You may have felt lonely without your boyfriend and succumbed to the temptation of cheating. A lapse in self-control is likely to cause you to look toward another guy in your boyfriend’s absence.
2. Boyfriend cheated first
Perhaps, your boyfriend himself had a past history of cheating, and you did the same later on to get back at him. One of my friends found out that her boyfriend was seeing another woman after secretly checking out his chat history.
She was shattered and told him that she wanted to break up. Her boyfriend apologized profusely and begged her to not leave him. She eventually gave in to her emotions and agreed to continue the relationship.
My friend still loved him but could not forget the heartache her boyfriend caused her. After some time, an ex-boyfriend contacted her and she started to go out with him secretly. She cheated on her boyfriend to get over the fact that he betrayed her in the first place.
It is natural for human beings to develop this kind of behavior pattern to cancel out their hurt. However, remember that two wrongs don’t make a right and cheating is never acceptable.
3. Boyfriend was too occupied with work
Maybe your boyfriend was always busy with work and did not have enough time for you. A healthy relationship requires frequent communication.
If your boyfriend is emotionally unavailable due to being pressured with work, you may start looking elsewhere. In this scenario, you probably socialize more with your female friends and may end up meeting other guys who hit on you. In a weak moment, you may end up choosing someone else to fill the emotional void inside you.
4. Attracted to a co-worker
You tend to have a lot in common with your co-workers. Perhaps you end up leaving the office late due to a project you have been working on.
You may bond with a male colleague over work issues and open up to him about your life. If he becomes romantically inclined towards you, he may start making you feel good by paying attention to you and flattering you. This may make you warm up to him and before you know it, an emotional affair could begin.
While there may be several other reasons women could be tempted to cheat, the more important question is:
Should you try to get back together?
Reflect and list down the reasons why you cheated on your boyfriend. This should not be considered an exercise to justify infidelity, but rather an evaluation of whether or not the relationship is worth saving.
Write down the good and bad aspects of the relationship side by side in columns. If you see the negative aspects outweighing the positive ones, then maybe you are better off moving on.
On the other hand, if you find that the list of good things is longer than the list of bad ones, then the relationship is indeed worth saving. Watch this video to help you analyze better.
Ways To Get Your Boyfriend Back After You Cheated
- Break all ties with the other guy
- Admit your mistake and apologize
- Have a candid discussion
- Give it time
- Draw your ex’s attention
- Accept his response
So you are filled with regret and want to get back into a relationship with your ex-boyfriend. Remember that the road ahead is bound to be bumpy as it is difficult to regain someone’s trust after you have been unfaithful. However, a step-by-step effort and a strong resolve can help you get your boyfriend back.
1. Break all ties with the other guy
The first thing that you need to do is end all contact with the guy you were cheating on your boyfriend with. Let him know that you are not interested in pursuing the connection and make sure you remove his phone, email, social media, and any other channel that may exist.
If possible, allow him to hear or read your last conversation with the other guy where you cut off all contact, this will help you regain his trust.
Resuming a relationship entails strong willpower and dedication. If you feel that you are not ready to let off the other person, then maybe you should bin the idea of getting him back.
2. Admit your mistake and apologize
Talk to your partner and admit you are at fault. Let him know that you understand that cheating can never be validated.
Start by saying something like, “I know I have hurt you deeply. I am truly sorry and want to talk to you about resuming our relationship. I will do my best to rebuild the lost trust.”
If you think it is too soon to call or meet him, you can communicate your apology via text message. Remember to say sorry sincerely and apologize only for things you really feel you’ve done wrong. Partners are quick to sense an apology that comes just from guilt and not from the heart.
Be patient as you wait for forgiveness. Your boyfriend is likely to be immeasurably hurt and may not respond to you immediately. Let him know that you are sorry and ready to make an effort to gain forgiveness.
You can say something like, “I realize that it is difficult for you to forgive me right away. I know I have to work for that. I am determined to earn back your love and faith.”
Initially, your boyfriend may not give you a concrete response as he would probably be in a state of shock, distress, and disbelief. Encourage him to share their feelings with you. Ask him to tell you his expectations from you and be attentive to his responses.
However, be careful not to go overboard with apologies and incessantly beg him for a second chance. He likely needs time to sort out his feelings before he responds to you.
3. Have a candid discussion
Cheating on someone means that you have betrayed their trust on all levels. Arrange a meeting with him and admit your mistake openly. Be candid about why you cheated on your boyfriend while acknowledging that it was the wrong thing to do.
Encourage your partner to ask you questions or simply allow him time to process the information. Before you start a conversation with him, you should have a clear outline of how you will confess and apologize.
Be prepared for your partner to react sadly or angrily to the fact that you cheated. Give him ample time to decide how he wants to move forward.
It is likely that your boyfriend will have intrusive questions about the nature of your relationship with another guy, Make sure that you answer them honestly, even if you feel embarrassed, ashamed, or frustrated.
4. Give it time
Confessing your wrongdoing may make your partner withdraw as he comes to terms with reality. Show love and respect by allowing him some time.
If need be, try to incorporate the ‘no contact rule’ where you refrain from contacting your ex for a few days. According to Chris Seiter, a relationship expert, statistics show that around 95% of couples get back together after following the ‘no contact rule’.
If you were in a live-in relationship, arrange to stay with a family member or friend for a few days. If your partner is the one who prefers to make the move, allow him the liberty to move out temporarily.
Do not pressurize your boyfriend to let you back in or come back to stay with you. It is respectful to let him take his time.
Remind yourself that even if your partner decides to forgive you, it may take a while for everything to normalize, especially physical intimacy. Do not compel your partner to hurry and approach him when he is ready.
5. Draw your ex’s attention
After you have allowed ample time to pass, try to initiate contact with him. Texting is the easiest way to get his attention. Here are some things you can text him about:
- Casually recall something personal that only you two shared.
- Ask him for advice regarding something he has expertise in. Men love feeling useful as it boosts their ego.
Try not to sound clingy or make him feel that you are desperate to get back together, even if it is true. Have a positive attitude while making sure that he knows you realize the mistakes you have made.
6. Accept his response
Your partner is under no compulsion to forgive you and take you back in his life. There is a real chance of him refusing to resume the relationship even if he verbally forgives you.
If he decides that it is not possible for him to continue a relationship with you, respect their choice and move forward. Continuing to struggle for a partner who has no will to resume the relationship will cause him further emotional stress. In this case, it is best to learn from your mistakes and move on.