‘Till death do us part’ – a vow that every woman looks forward to making and hearing in life. These words mark the start of your marriage and the beginning of a lifelong journey alongside the man of your dreams.
You want to give your husband nothing but the best, so you start pouring everything you have into nurturing this new bond from day one.
However, being a wife can be demanding. It requires you to acquaint yourself with responsibilities that you had never come across until then. And, amidst this juggle, you suddenly find yourself asking if it was the right decision to get married.
The truth is, you have your struggles, insecurities, and fears, and he has his. But, since men tend to be less expressive than women, it could be hard for you to know what is going on in your partner’s mind.
The key is to try and be the best wife you can be, and this article will talk about how to be a better wife and improve your marriage.
1. Keep Encouraging Your Husband
Like we discussed, men are dealing with their own set of problems, some of which might revolve around their self-image.
Men, especially new husbands, are constantly comparing themselves with other males, which might lead to low self-esteem and unhealthy competition. This is where you need to intervene and keep your man encouraged and confident.
Encouragement can be given in several ways:
- in the form of a compliment,
- uplifting words, or
- other actions that make him feel like he is the man for you.
What is essential for him is to know that he is everything that you wish for. He wants you to tell him what he means to you and to follow through with your actions.
2. He Is Human
Needless to say, men carry a lot of burden on their shoulders, and your job should be to relieve him of some of that instead of adding to his woes. Remember, he is a great man, but he is not perfect.
Sometimes, you should let him know what you want rather than waiting for him to figure it out and resenting him if he is unable to. Other times, express appreciation for whatever he does. He may not have hit the bull’s eye as a husband yet, but he is trying very hard, and he wants you to know it.
A round of applause or a ‘thumbs up’ from the woman he loves can mean the world to him, especially on a day when life is not being kind to or easy for him.
3. Speak Well Of Him
Building up from the previous point, you should not even imagine ripping your husband apart with your taunts, mockery, or insults –either to his face or in front of a third party. When you go through a problem with your partner, you do not air your dirty laundry for the entire world to see.
You keep the problem and look for a solution within the house. Think about how you react when the two of you get into a heated argument:
Do you expose and call him out on his insecurities?
Do you talk trash about him to your relatives or friends?
Have you ever threatened to file for divorce and leave him forever?
If the answer is ‘yes’ to any of those questions, it is time to change. The next time you guys are headed towards a quarrel do not immediately pick up your swords and try and come to an amicable solution. This will help your marriage in the short-term as well as in the longer-run.
“I don’t want to talk about it” – the one sentence that can form an irreparable distance between you and your husband.
Yes, I did say that you should try and not add to his problems, and you might feel that staying silent is the answer.
However, sometimes, silence does more harm than good down the road – especially if that silence is suppressing feelings, emotions, or thoughts; it is bound to come up in uglier and more intense ways.
Remind yourself that your husband, like every other human being, has a past. Everything that he experienced from his birth, right until this point, has shaped him, his ideas, opinions, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. The same is true for you, which is why it is absolutely fine if the two of you do not see eye-to-eye on certain issues.
5. Make Him Your Confidante
So, how do you talk it out with your partner? To ensure effective communication post-marriage, you need to make sure that your partner is your best friend before you get married. You talk about everything with your best friends, and you expect them to understand not just your words but also your non-verbal cues, such as body language.
Make your husband your confidante, even before he becomes your husband. This one practice will eliminate almost all of the communication problems that most couples go through.
6. Listen before You Speak
Now, here is the deal: talking is made up of speaking and listening, and the latter is just as important as the former.
When your partner is talking to you, you need to make him feel valued. Look into his eyes as you listen to him, instead of only passive listening punctuated by the occasional “hmm”, with the bulk of your attention going to the TV or your smartphone.
Making specific to what he is saying is also an excellent way of showing your partner that you are concentrating on his words.
Also, try to resist the temptation to jump in with unsolicited advice. Sure, you might be meaning well, but your partner will see it as disrespectful. Let him complete his train of thought, and then politely express your input.
7. Establish the Right Environment
When a man returns home from a tiring day at work, he is looking forward to a bit of tranquility and peace, except for the noise of his kids or his wife running up to greet him at the doorstep. The last thing he wants is for you to tear into him for an offense committed earlier in the day, as soon as he makes his way through the front door (his boss has probably already done that).
What he wants is a show of affection and gratefulness, so show him that he is loved and valued. A man’s home is the one place where he should feel important and that he matters, despite all his shortcomings.
You must be excited to tell him about your day – and he wants to hear it all, too – but you should hold it back until your husband has had time to relax. If there is some bad news you want him to know of – no matter how mild – wait until he has settled in, showered, and has had a sumptuous meal inside his system.
He is likely to be significantly more receptive to whatever you have to tell him once he has had a chance to relax his shoulders. Also, men loved to be pampered, so a back or foot massage will probably help take the stress away and make him feel calm and content.
8. Feed Him Well
As they say, the route to a man’s heart goes through his stomach. So, you cannot be the perfect wife until you care about your husband’s diet and nutrition.
It is okay if you do not know how to prepare a wide variety of healthy yet delicious meals. You can always learn by joining a catering class or some online cooking groups. Learn about your husband’s favorite meal and experiment with several ways to prepare it.
9. Support Your Husband
Marriage is not a smooth ride, but at least it is a rough ride with the person that you love. Your husband might have the perfect plan for his and your life, but that perfect plan may not turn out so perfectly. He will probably go through more than a few downs, and there will be times that he might not be able to give you what he promised, no matter how much he tries.
Will you stay with him when things go south? Will you stand by him? Can your husband expect your hand in his, as he uses his other fist to punch and claw through life’s challenges and obstacles? There will be tough times, but there is nothing that cannot be overcome through love, understanding, and support.
The Last Word
Trials and bittersweet experiences are part of marriage, and when you go through those experiences with your partner, you are bound to come out on the other side stronger and closer than ever before.
This is by no means a comprehensive guide to becoming a better wife, but it is certainly a starting point. The truth is, as you continue to grow and learn in your marriage, you will realize for yourself what you need to do to improve as a wife and strengthen your relationship.