Relationshape is reader-supported. We may earn commissions if you buy through our links.


Wife Yells at You All the Time? (Here’s How To Deal with Her)

Are you dealing with a wife that yells at you all the time? Has it become almost impossible for you to have a meaningful conversation with her without it turning into a yelling contest?

Here is the way to deal with your yelling wife:

Instead of reacting to your yelling wife and disrespecting her in return, ask yourself if you also play the role in the problem and avoid feeding into her anger. Help her calm down and get to the bottom of what’s really causing her to act this way.

Letting your wife yell at you without doing something about it can eventually make you resent her and all the respect, love, and affection you have towards her will soon diminish too.

In this blog, I’ll go over some tips on how to deal with a yelling wife and possibly save your marriage before it’s too late.

How To Deal With A Yelling Wife?

Below are some ways you can handle the situation when your wife screams at you:

1. Determine if Yelling is a Pattern

It’s worth noting that most people often get into the habit of yelling when they feel frustrated. Before you can tell your wife that yelling is never the answer, you need to determine whether it’s a pattern and what could be causing it. You may not realize this but it’s possible that your wife believes that yelling is the only way she can get what she wants from you.

Think about it: If you tend to give in to get your wife to make her stop yelling at you, it can become a habit that will become quite difficult for her to break. Moreover, your wife could also be yelling at you to create fear, get you to agree with her, and exert control over the relationship.

If your wife grew up in a toxic or abusive home where her parents yelled at each other constantly, then she’s learned how to use yelling as a way to deal with stressful situation. In addition to that, she could also be dealing with low self-esteem issues or having a hard time communicating how she feels.

2. Stop Taking the Verbal Abuse and Stand up for Yourself

To put it simply, yelling can be considered a form of verbal abuse and you and your wife have no right to subject each other to any kind of abuse.

You need to make your wife understand that yelling isn’t the right way to get heard and it can adversely affect the foundation of your marriage.

It’s true, if you don’t take a stand for yourself and allow this to happen, your wife will continue to bully you and treat you unfairly.

3. Don’t Make Excuses for Her

You shouldn’t try to justify your wife’s behavior by thinking that she simply can’t control herself or making excuses for her. Most people have the ability to control their temper, yet they simply choose not to. This can happen especially if they’ve been allowed to get away with this behavior most of their life.

To prove to yourself that your wife does have the ability to control her temper, start by asking yourself the following questions:

  • Does your wife lose her temper at work?
  • Does she behave in a similar way around her friends?
  • Does she yell at other people in public places?

If the answer to any of the questions is ‘no’, then you know that your wife is perfectly capable of keeping her anger under control and just chooses not to when she’s around you.

4. Ask Yourself If You Also Play a Role in the Problem

You may not know this, but it’s quite common for one or both spouses to expect the other to change themselves and avoid addressing their own role whenever they’re faced with a difficult problem. Granted, it can be difficult to think about what you may have done to cause your wife to behave this way when she’s constantly yelling at you, but introspection is incredibly important.

Think about the last time you argued with your wife:

  • Was she the only one who did the yelling, or did you have a fair share of things to say to her as well?
  • Is it possible that your actions could be causing your wife to get upset with you?

If you find that your wife is a habitual yeller, you shouldn’t hold yourself responsible for her anger. Even if your wife has a valid reason to be angry with you, there are better ways for her to express her feelings and communicate what’s troubling her.

5. Avoid Feeding into Her Anger

You shouldn’t forget that when you’re being yelled at by someone, it usually has mostly to do with their poor coping skills and little to do with you.

You may be compelled to yell back at your wife in self-defense but that can further exacerbate the problem. When you react, your wife will react to your reaction, and it won’t take longfor things to escalate.

Remember, the only way you can deal with an angry wife is by remaining calm, even if it doesn’t come naturally to you.

You need to use a calm tone of voice and be a part of the solution instead of yelling back at her and making her ten times as angry as she was before.

6. Change Your Reaction

If you hate arguing with your wife and your first response to her yelling at you is to agree with her, you’re actually enabling her to continue behaving terribly when she’s around you. You’re showing her that yelling at you can help her get her way in the future.

It may work in the moment and calm your wife down, but it will only make things worse for you and your marriage. It also needs mentioning that trying to change your wife’s behavior won’t work either. The only thing you can control is how you react to her to save your marriage.

7. Create a Different Pattern

The next time your wife is yelling at you, you need to look at her in the eye and tell her that you can see she’s upset but you’re only willing to listen to her if she will talk to you calmly.

It’s imperative that you make it clear to her that you’re not going to tolerate yelling as a form of communication anymore.

Furthermore, you need to let her know that you are willing to help resolve the conflicts in your marriage.

The purpose of this is to create a different pattern and make your wife realize that yelling will no longer have the same effect on you as it did before and she needs to do something about her anger issues if she wants the marriage to work.

8. Take a Break from Your Wife

Once you’ve addressed the yelling, you can also consider taking a break from your wife to collect your thoughts and give yourself a chance to calm down as well. All the yelling can leave you feeling quite miserable, which is why spending some time away can definitely help you think more logically about what the next step is for the two of you.

When you take the time to recognize the role that you may have played in the conflicts, you’ll be able to figure out if there’s anything that you need to change about yourself to bring harmony into your marriage.

Take a few minutes, an hour, or even a day to clear your head and re-evaluate your marriage so you can think of ways to build back a healthy relationship with your wife.

9. Seek Professional Help

Studies show that yelling at someone can make it difficult for them to think which can lower your chances of getting yourself heard. Everyone gets angry once in a while, but when your wife gets to the point where she begins yelling at you almost regularly, she’s crossing a line.

Simply put, if she claims to love you, then she shouldn’t be yelling at you. You may not be equipped to help your wife manage her anger, but luckily, you can always seek professional help to help her break this pattern and learn new coping skills to keep her temper under control.

As established previously, constant yelling is a form of verbal abuse and it is also typically a sign of untreated anger management issues. Professional help is often the only appropriate solution in cases where neither you nor your wife is willing to take the blame and hear each other out.

A marriage counselor can help you get to the bottom of what’s upsetting your wife and teach her better strategies she can use to express her feelings of discontent and keep things from spiraling out of control.

You Deserve to Be Treated With Respect

As a husband, you are worthy of love and respect just as much as your wife. Yelling doesn’t demonstrate either of the two. If your wife constantly shows blatant disregard for your feelings and bullies you until you give in, it can make it seem like divorce is the only solution.

But if you’re willing to make your marriage last, try the strategies I’ve discussed above and watch them work wonders!

Similar Posts