“I fancied you’d return the way you said, but I grow old and I forget your name.” – Sylvia Plath, Mad Girl’s Love Song.
Hope can be a funny thing. Sometimes it’s the only reason for someone to move on, while other times, it can be why someone stops moving. Quite the philosophical idea, right? But you have to agree that it’s true, especially when a breakup is involved.
Hope can shape up a newly single person’s future post-breakup in two ways; either it can promise a better tomorrow that is full of love, urging them to move forward, or give them a reason to wait for the ex. When you see a bright romantic future on the horizon, you are coaxed into looking for a new partner, but when you keep believing that your former partner will come back, you come to a standstill, and stagnation is never a good thing.
Why The Hope?
But why does one get hung up on the possibility of a reunion when the breakup was a long time coming? Well, there could be endless reasons why someone chooses to hope for a happily ever after post-breakup. Sometimes it could be your desperate desire for reconciliation may disguise itself as a feeling that he will come back. Other times, it could be the signs from your ex that wouldn’t let you move on. Regardless of why you seem to think that you’ll get back with your former lover, the longing for it can be unbearable.
To put an end to this miserable waiting, you must first figure out why you have the hunch that your partner will return. And that is only possible if you scrutinize your feelings to ascertain if the cause behind your hope is your own inability to let go, or is it the signals your ex keeps sending you?
Study Your Feelings- Do Some Introspection
In this case, introspection can bear only two outcomes; you will realize that your partner is not responsible for your yearning, and it’s your own desperation that’s coming out as the sweet-sweet hope of a patch up. In the other scenario, you will puzzle out that your partner is the one who’s preventing you from moving on because they keep showing signs of still having an interest in you.
So Who Is It? Yourself Or Your Partner?
In order to be sure if your partner is stirring up the hope in you, you need to know the signs he could be giving you. If you don’t know those, then let me help you. Here is the list of all the possible cues your ex might be giving you.
Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back
They Keep Trying To Talk
If you keep bumping into your ex, and they are the chattiest they have ever been, chances are they are still interested in you. They are always trying to drag out conversations with you and come up with topics so that you both can continue your discussion.
They Are (A Little Too Much) Interested In Your Life
If you find your ex is suddenly too involved in your life and is always keen to know what you have been up to, they are definitely hung up on you. They’ll ask you about your work, listen to your response with palpable enthusiasm, and if you happen to mention a recent achievement you had, they’ll extoll you to no end. They’ll say that you deserve it more than anyone else and that they are proud of you.
They Want To Be Your Hero
You are at the mall, and a Neanderthal is harassing you for no reason; enters your ex in all their heroic glory and show your harasser their place. If you are familiar with the picture I just painted, you must be aware of the post-breakup overprotectiveness from your ex.
Men have an innate desire to protect the women in their life, which is drastically intensified after a breakup if they wish to get back with their former lover.
If your partner keeps showing up like a knight in shining armor, know that they are interested in making things right (read: get back with you).
They Have Become Ever-So Thoughtful And Kind
Breakups can arouse the chivalrous gentleman in a previously-thoughtless guy. If your partner wasn’t the most insightful and considerate when you both were together, but now they can’t stop being charming, it’s probably their way of showing that they have changed.
And they might genuinely be a different person now, but you can’t be sure of that until you give your relationship another try. But if that’s not the case, then you will suffer from avoidable heartache all over again.
They Keep Talking About The Good Times You Two Shared
One of the most enticing ways of trying to get back with a former partner is forcing them to reminisce the happy moments the two shared in the past. Let’s say the first few months of your relationship with your ex were some of the most memorable days of your life. So, now whenever you and your ex cross paths, they mention those unforgettable moments as though they want you to ache to be back with them.
If they bring up the fun you both had on your first trip together or the rush of feelings you both experienced the first time you got intimate during your run-ins, know that you are being spurred into a reunion.
They Seem Remorseful
Another telltale sign of an ex who’s still interested is visible regret and remorse over their actions. If your former mate openly accepts their mistakes and admits to doing you wrong again and again, they are trying to show you that they are guilty. They want you to know that they are sorry about how things ended.
I am not suggesting that their sorrow isn’t sincere or that it’s all a show to get your attention. They might be profoundly ashamed for how they hurt you. I am just telling you that their regret could also be their way of telling you that they are looking for another chance. Now, whether you give it to them to not is entirely up to you.
If you spot any of the mentioned behaviors in your ex, you should know that your feeling that they’ll come back is not on you. But if they have not given you any indication of wanting to get back together, then perhaps, you are projecting your inner desire of reconciliation as hope. If that’s the case, then you should find yourself doing the following actions.
Signs You Don’t Want To Move On
1. You Keep Thinking About The Past
If you are often caught up in the past, reliving the happy moments you shared with your ex, then you wish to get back. And your desperate desire to reunite with your former partner is tricking you into believing that they’ll come back for you.
2. You Didn’t Expect Such An End
When you started your relationship with your ex, you fell irreversibly hopelessly in love with them and imagined a life with in the Hamptons, but things didn’t quite work out as you had planned. Resultantly, you are struggling to accept what’s happened.
Your denial is forcing you to believe that it’s your partner who wants to get back with you. In other words, you are rationalizing your decision to wait for your ex. But if you thought about your situation rationally, you’d realize that your former partner has shown no signs of getting back together.
3. You Are Reading Too Much Into Things
Let’s say you met a mutual guy friend of yours and your ex’s, and he told you that your partner didn’t seem too happy the last time he saw them. And you instantly connect your ex’s supposed sadness with your absence from their life, but they didn’t tell you that, nor did they try to contact you.
If they were so bummed about losing you, they would have conveyed their feelings to you in whichever way possible. If they didn’t reach out to you, knowing every part of your daily routine all too well, then they must not want to get back with you.
4. You Keep Going To All The Places You Used To Go With Your Ex
You know that your partner loved particular places where the two of you would go frequently. And now you keep coming up with excuses to visit those spots, thinking you’ll run into the one that got away. I hate to break it to you that your partner is not the one clinging on to a non-existent relationship; you are!
You need to accept the end of your relationship and try to move on if your ex has not approached you or shown any signs of doing such a thing.
This Shall Pass Too
No matter how earth-shattering, life-altering a breakup feels, you need to realize that the pain will eventually pass. You will move on after a while, but only if you choose to do so. If you stay hung up on your partner, you will never get out of the misery you are in because of your breakup.
Also, if you are certain that you never want to get back together with your partner, but you can see that they are still interested, don’t lead them on. Rip off the band-aid; tell your partner that you have moved on (or plan to do so) and be upfront about your feelings.