Should You Stop Talking to Your Ex? [10 Points Checklist]

When it comes to our exes, everything automatically becomes a whole lot more complicated.

Every relationship ends differently and people move on at different paces. The question of whether you should stop talking to your ex is therefore not one that has a straightforward answer; it depends on a variety of factors. 

Before figuring out the answer, I would recommend you to ask yourself these questions. Make sure to be honest with yourself and you’ll have your answer. If you feel that you aren’t completely over them, then you need to stop talking to them this instant, find out why below.

1. How much time has passed?

The time that has passed after your relationship ended is of the utmost importance when deciding whether to stop talking to your ex. If it hasn’t been very long since you two broke up then you probably shouldn’t be talking to him just yet. Studies have shown that talking to an ex immediately after a breakup does not end well in most cases. Therefore you should give it some time before you start speaking to them.

2. Why Do You Want to Speak to Them?

Think about why you want to speak to them in the first place. Is it because you still have feelings for them or do you just want to be friends? Does talking to them give you some kind of excitement? You need to pause and reflect on this and if you feel that the answer is yes, then you need to stop talking to them. If you don’t, your feelings can intensify and you’ll just end up getting hurt.

3. Have You Moved On From the Relationship?

This is a very personal question that only you can answer for yourself. Are you still hung up on your ex or have you moved on from the relationship? If you feel that you are in the process of moving on but haven’t yet quite been fully able to do so, then it’s dangerous for you to talk to them right now. Anything they say you might end up perceiving in another way and you’ll just end up right back where you started. All the progress that you have made so far will just go down the drain. Only if you feel that you have completely moved on and just want to be friends with your ex should you speak to them.

4. How Did the Relationship End?

Was the break up a concrete one and did you get closure? If the two of you mutually ended things on friendly terms, then it may be okay to talk to them. However, if things were left unsaid and you didn’t get any closure, then speaking to them right now could get messy and end up disastrous. How the relationship ended dictates what comes after. If things were left open-ended, then you speaking to him may just increase your hopes of getting back with him and this could lead to you getting hurt.

5. Do You Ever Think Of Getting Back With Him?

Even if this thought crosses your mind every now and then, you shouldn’t be speaking to him. Deep down you know the answer to this. Only if he is fully out of your system and you know for a fact that you don’t want to get back with him should you be talking to them.

6. Do You Have Someone Else In Your Life?

If you haven’t dated or been interested in anyone after the breakup, then the last person you should be talking to is your ex. It can get messy and confusing and bring up old feelings. However, if you’re with someone else and just want to remain friends with your ex, that’s a different story. Just make sure the new person is chill with it too.

7. How Did They Treat You When You Were Together?

If the relationship was toxic and they didn’t respect you, then it’s obvious that you shouldn’t be speaking to them. Even if you feel like they’ve changed, you shouldn’t take that risk. They can easily manipulate you back into the same old pattern. Sometimes while dating someone you get so blinded to even notice that they aren’t treating you right. I would suggest that you take a moment to reflect back on your relationship; think about how they made you feel when you were with them. Did they make you feel good about yourself or did they bring you down? If they made you feel good then there’s no harm talking to them as friends.

8. Are You in a Good Headspace?

Sometimes even if you’ve moved on from the relationship but aren’t in a good headspace at the moment, talking to your ex can only call for disaster and worsen your condition. If you feel that you’re not in the right headspace at the moment, stay away from your ex and consider talking to someone else, someone who may be able to help you. However, if you feel that you aren’t in a vulnerable position then talking to them as friends may not be such a bad idea.

9. Are They Bringing in Negative Energy?

The kind of energy that a person brings in dictates whether or not you should be speaking to them. If your ex is bringing in negativity and draining your energy, then they’re not worth it. Remind yourself of why the relationship ended in the first place and why you don’t need that in your life anymore.

10. You’re Happier When You Aren’t Speaking to Them

If you find yourself happier when you aren’t speaking to them, then that’s the first sign that you need to get rid of them ASAP. They aren’t good for you and talking to them isn’t getting you anywhere. It could also be the opposite in some cases, where talking to them in a purely friendly manner just makes you happy. There’s no harm doing so in such cases so long as you know you want nothing more than friendship from them.

If you feel that you aren’t completely over them and somewhere deep down, you have hopes of getting back with them then you need to stay far away from them. Here are some reasons why:

1. It’ll Destroy Your Healing Process

Everyone knows how hard moving on from a relationship can be. Sometimes, it even takes years. It’s not easy and requires time and conscious effort. If you are making any kind of progress and aren’t fully there yet, then talking to your ex can bring you back to square 1. All the hard work that you put in will have gone to waste and you’ll have to start all over again. Not to mention, it could really mess with your head and your mental peace.

2. It Could Become an Obsession

You may start off just talking to them casually and every now and then but if you haven’t fully moved on before you know it, it could become a habit. You’ll end up focusing a good chunk of your time and energy on it and before you even know it, it could become a point of obsession. That isn’t healthy and won’t end well for either of you.

3. You Could Be Blocking New Energy From Coming In

We attract the kind of energy that we send out into the universe. If all your energy is focused on your ex, you’ll be blocking new and good energy from coming into your life. It could lead to many good things for you and could potentially be in the form of ‘the one’ too, but being so engrossed into your ex you could have missed it.

4. You’ll End Up In a Self-Destructive Cycle

It may have taken everything from you to get out of that relationship, but by speaking to your ex again, you’re putting yourself back in that position. You know you can easily slip back and end up in that toxic cycle where you’re stuck in that limbo, you can’t be with them yet you can’t move on. It’s getting you nowhere and you’ll end up doing more damage than good and will regret doing it in the first place.

5. You’re Living a Fantasy

The problem with living in a bubble is that it’s great while it lasts but once it pops, it can leave you worse than you ever imagined. If you still have even the slightest hope of getting back with your ex and that’s your intention when you speak to them, you’re living a fantasy and you’re just going to end up hurting yourself. Even though it may feel good talking to them in the moment, you need to remind yourself that it’s not real but it’s just in your head. Snap out of la la land and get back to reality. Who knows, there could be something better waiting for you.