It goes without saying that after you’ve gone through a breakup, your emotions are running wild.
It’s completely normal to feel lost, upset, and heartbroken, especially if you had been with your ex for a long time. Adjusting to your new normal can be hard and you may find yourself wondering, ‘should I apologize to my ex?’
If they were someone you imagined spending your whole life with, you may be willing to do anything to takes to get them to take you back.
So, here is the answer you should apologize to your ex or not
If you’re apologizing to your ex for all the right reasons, then there you should absolutely send that apology text, even if it’s been many years. But if you know in your heart that you did nothing wrong, there’s no need for you to apologize and set things right.
Take a Step Back and Re-Evaluate the Role You Played
You may be surprised to learn that there are quite a few people who are willing to apologize to an ex even when they weren’t at fault and did nothing to deserve the unfair treatment. In case you might be asking yourself why anyone would do such a thing, you should note that some people will choose to get back with someone they can’t imagine losing even if it comes at a great personal cost.
Simply put, it’s a very common coping mechanism that you need to guard yourself against. If you think that apologizing to your ex will make them come back to you, you need to take a step back and think about the role you played in your relationship.
If you did betray your ex’s trust and caused them unnecessary pain and anguish, it’s a good thing to apologize to them. But if you solely believe that apologizing and taking the blame is the only way you can change your current situation, then you need to take some time to think about what you’re really looking to achieve from your apology.
What Are Your Intentions?
Figuring out whether you should apologize or not can be as simple and straightforward as figuring out what your intentions are. To put it another way, you’re basically at a crossroads right now. On one side of the road, you can see your ex forgiving you and getting back with them, and on the other side, you see yourself moving on from your ex and leaving your past behind.
You need to take a moment to ask yourself, ‘what are my intentions?’
Once you’re clear about your own intention, it will be easier for you to apologize to your ex the right way while staying true to yourself. When you’re apologizing to yourself, it’s natural for you to get into heated conversations that make you lose sight of the goal you’re trying to achieve.
In these moments, you need to remind yourself about what you want to get out of the apology and stay on purpose. Don’t forget that your job isn’t to prove you’re right, but to show your ex that you respect their feelings and you’re willing to own up to your mistakes.
What Makes an Effective Apology?
If you’ve realized that your heart’s in the right place and your intentions are pure, you can start thinking about how you can apologize to your ex without upsetting them even more. If what you’re secretly after is for them to take you back right away instead of truly owning up to what you did, you may need to rethink your strategy.
I would advise you to pen a heartfelt apology that wants nothing and offers only the kindest thoughts. This is your chance to show your ex how truly apologetic you are for your past behavior and how looking back on your life with them has made you realize all the mistakes you had made along the way.
Now, let’s take a look at some components that make an effective apology:
1. Acknowledge That You Were in the Wrong
The first thing you need to do is acknowledge that you acted or spoke in ways that caused emotional or any other kind of harm to your ex. This means you should be willing to take responsibility of your actions and words and address the role you played in driving your ex away.
2. Remain Sincere
It’s no secret that a sincere apology is basically one where you have no hidden agenda other than hoping to heal the wounds that you contributed to in the relationship. Make sure the words you choose are honest and heartfelt and don’t look forced in any way.
3. Avoid Being Emotionally Reactive
While it’s true that when you’re offering your apology, your ex may interrupt you and start verbally attacking you. In moments like this, you need to remember to remain calm and resist the temptation to react to them. If your ex is still not over the heartbreak, they may have a lot of emotion building up inside them and they may lash out at you.
This is your chance to allow them to express how they feel without fear and avoid getting defensive. If you’re interested in setting things right between the two of you, you need to show them that you’re willing to listen to them and you’re not just trying to get them to forgive you right away.
How to Get Your Ex to Forgive You
So, you’ve tried to apologize to your ex many times, but they simply don’t want to hear your apology. In cases like this, you should know that the more you keep apologizing, the less of an impact it will make.
If you really want your ex to forgive you, you need to try your best to clear the air and set the foundation for a healthy and stable relationship. You need to try a different approach and make sure your ex understands that you are truly sorry about what happened and you’re working on yourself now.
1. Understand Their Real Reasons for Breaking Up
Before you can think of apologizing to your ex incessantly, you need to pause and think about the real reasons they broke up with you. When you get to the bottom of what drove them away, you’ll be able to make the changes you need to make to get them to take you seriously.
Remember, the purpose of apologizing isn’t just to say words that hold no real weight just to manipulate someone into forgiving you. It is to work towards changing yourself for the better and making them see you in a new and more favorable light.
If you don’t take the time to understand what drove the two of you apart, you’ll end up fixing the wrong things about yourself and end up pushing them even further away.
2. Truly Work on Changing Those Things About Yourself
Understanding what caused you ex to leave you is one thing, but if you don’t put in the time and effort to change the things your ex didn’t like about you, it’s highly unlikely that they’ll be willing to give you a second chance.
To get them to accept your apology, you need to earn their respect and admiration again. Get them to agree to meet you one more time and show them with your actions that you will not repeat the same mistakes again and you’re serious about dating them again.
You need to show them you’ve grown and changed since they last saw you and you’ve invested time and energy into fixing your emotional issues. These can be anything from being too clingy, having commitment issues, and getting jealous for no reason. When they see that you’ve put in the work to improve yourself, their guard will come down naturally and they may let you in again.
3. Try Your Best to Regain Their Respect and Attraction
If it wasn’t obvious, the key to getting your ex to accept your apology and take you back is regaining their attraction and respect for you as a person. You need to exhibit the confidence, humor, and charm that first attracted them to you, but you also need to address what went wrong in your relationship so they know that you’re in it for the long haul.
If you’re able to convince them without needing to apologize over and over again, their feelings will come back, and they will begin to open up to you again. When you present yourself in a way that makes them see you differently, the more they’ll want to give you another chance and see where it takes you both.
There can be many reasons why you’d want to apologize to your ex. It isn’t just about telling them you’re terribly sorry, but also about being willing to go the extra mile to make sure you will never hurt them the same way again.
If your ex isn’t willing to listen to you or have anything to do with you, you should consider giving them some time so they can calm down before you can reach out to them in order to explain yourself and truly set things right.