Did you know that the human brain reacts to breakups the same way it reacts to drug withdrawal? Following a split, you tend to crave your previous partner’s attention the same way addicts have cravings.
You may reach the conclusion that getting back together with your ex is the best option if the longing for them does not diminish with time. In this case, you are probably wondering how long does it take to get your ex back?
Depending on the nature of the relationship, it can be a fairly short while, such as a couple of months, or a longer time period, such as a year.
Short Time Period (1-3 Months)
Yes, it is normal to hope to get your ex back as soon as possible. The good news is that getting back together quickly is a realistic scenario.
The type of relationship you shared with your ex, along with your post-breakup attitude, can play a major role in determining the longevity of the hiatus.
Here are some signs that indicate that you may be ready to hit it off with your ex once again within just 1-3 months following breakup:
1. Your emotions are in check
To save your relationship, it is important to change your emotional energy. Know that the breakup was not solely your fault. It is something that many people go through because some aspects of their relationships were not strong enough.
When you find your self-esteem gradually improving, that’s when you are in the right emotional state to plunge into a new relationship again. It is important to engage in productive activities and do what feels good to lift your mood.
Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members for an added dose of positivity. Your ex is more likely to get attracted to you when he sees you living a fulfilling life.
2. You shared a happy relationship
If you and your ex were super compatible, there is a good chance that you two can find a way to be with each other again. Some people are just meant to be together and your instincts will tell you if your ex really was the one.
Honesty, communication, respect, trust and compatibility are the basic tenets of a great relationship. If your past relationship had all these qualities, then it is likely that you two did not fight often and were mostly on the same page.
These signs indicate that the reason for the breakup was probably not too serious. It would be not be too long before your ex would realize that you were perfect for them.
3. You have children with your ex
A separation or divorce can be emotionally taxing for your children. If you and your ex have children together, it is likely that you two would try your best to make things work out for their sake.
Children can prove to be a strong force tying you with your partner. If you have children with your ex, you are probably still on speaking terms with him. This can eventually make the two of you understand that raising them together is a far better idea than having them take turns spending time with each parent.
However, having children is not a guarantee that you will be able to turn a broken relationship into a healthy one in no time. It can only happen if both you and your ex realize the need to be patient for the sake of your children.
Medium Time Period (4-8 Months)
Don’t worry if you are not back together with your ex after a couple of months. Sometimes it takes up to 8 months to find happiness with your former partner again.
When you both take your time in resuming the relationship, it is likely to last longer as you two would be more in tune with each other’s expectations. Here are some scenarios where a 4-8 month waiting period may be worth the while:
1. You are giving each other space
Giving space to each other does not necessarily mean that the person you love will move on. It simply implies that your ex needs time to de-stress.
Perhaps the two of you broke up because you argued frequently, making the relationship emotionally draining for both. Such signs point towards a need to step back and recalibrate your feelings for each other.
It is common for two people to become overbearing for each other during the course of a relationship. During this short break if you feel incomplete without your ex, chances are that they are also feeling the same way.
If you are still friends with your ex during this time period, you would have a better idea about their emotions. However, it is best not to rush and let the break run its course.
2. You refrain from begging and pleading
Do not make the mistake of bombarding your ex with calls and texts soon after the breakup. Excessive begging and pleading to get back together will only make the situation worse and push them further away.
If you feel desperate to have your ex back in your life, don’t beat yourself up over it. It is normal to feel upset after a breakup and idealize the happier moments of the relationship.
No matter how distressed you are, refrain from letting your former partner know that you need him back in your life. If you keep telling your ex how much you miss them, it may even reassure them that moving away was the right decision.
Keep your cool and involve yourself in different activities. Although 4-8 months may seem like a long time, it is likely that your ex would be automatically attracted to you when they see you stable in your life.
3. You have established a healthy reconnection
You probably have a fairly good idea of how your ex’s mind works. Use that knowledge to determine the best way to resume contact with them.
After the no-contact period is over, approach your ex and gauge their response towards you. Think about whether you should drop them a casual text, make a quick phone call, or send an email.
Watch this video by relationship expert Matthew Hussey for some useful conversation-starting tips.
Start with a casual conversation to re-establish a rapport. You can choose to talk about current events, movies, or interesting incidents you experienced. Gradually tell your ex how you feel about them.
At this point, the two of you have probably had enough time off from each other to be clear about how you feel. In case your ex does not respond in the affirmative, it is best to be respectful of their decision and avoid convincing him to get back together.
Long Time Period (9-12 months)
You definitely want to avoid waiting this long to get back together with your ex, but sometimes destiny has other plans. Console yourself by believing that the best things in life are worth waiting for.
If you are a woman, you may think that a year is too late to get your boyfriend back. Chris Seiter, a professional relationship coach, says, “No, it is never too late to get your boyfriend back. The first thing that you need to realize is that guys are always thinking about their exes.”
A major advantage of waiting for a longer time span is that it saves you from getting back together on a whim. Taking more time before you start dating your ex again can make your bond stronger as you both would have had ample time to sort out your feelings. Here are some scenarios where it may take 9-12 months or more to get back together with the person you love:
1. Both parties have analyzed what went wrong
A longer time period gives both you and your ex an opportunity to analyze what went wrong with the relationship. While you assess your feelings, chances are high that your ex is doing the same thing.
Breakup typically isn’t one person’s fault. Attempt to put yourself in your ex’s shoes and analyze how things appear from the other side. If you come to the conclusion that they are a nice person, you would be pleasantly surprised to know how a changed perspective can make it easier to win them back.
Time changes a person, so it is important to determine whether your ex is the same person you fell in love with. If you both are on the same page even after months pass, it undoubtedly means that you are meant for each other.
2. Excel in your life
Take this time to bring about a positive change in your life and become the best version of yourself. It is okay to grieve for a while right after you go through a breakup, but it is important to outgrow that feeling and start focusing on yourself, even if you continue to miss your ex.
You may expect to get back together after your ex after the no-contact period ends, but sometimes that doesn’t happen immediately. Balance your low mood with things that bring you happiness.
It is vital to get your individuality back before you can contemplate getting back together with your ex. According to breakup and divorce expert Brad Browning, “The key to winning back your ex is to completely reverse their mindset. Remember, the day he or she dumped you, they saw you as a ‘low-value’ romantic partner.”
Therefore, positive change in your behavior, mentality, and appearance may make you look more appealing to your ex. If you want more guidance with this angle, check out Get Your Ex Back: 9 Things Your Ex Needs You To Do So They Will Take You Back! on Amazon.
3. Initiate a casual conversation
It may feel awkward to contact your ex after such a long time, but it is surely worth a shot if you feel they are right for you. Text messaging may be the best way to approach them as it is casual and allows the other party time to formulate a response.
Start by asking how they are doing. You can break the ice with a “remember when” text to make them recall a memorable moment with you. Their response will give help you judge how interested they are in talking to you.
Make sure your texts remain positive and pleasant. If you are able to carry out a good conversation with them and they did not find someone else yet, they may suggest hanging out with you sometime.
There is no defined time period to get your ex back. It may happen after a month, or you may have to wait a full year to have them back in your life. No matter how long it takes, make sure you understand that personal development comes first. Keep ticking off life goals to succeed. Your ex is also more likely to be impressed with your strong personality.