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Why Your Ex Wants to Be Friends With You (11 Reasons!)

Breakups can be messy and hard, and everyone has their own way of dealing with them. Maybe your ex isn’t on the same page as you and has their reasons for wanting to be friends.

It could be anything from the obvious i.e. wanting you back to the more uncommon ones, such as wanting to just be friends with you, even though that can be hard to believe sometimes.

Here is everything you need to know about why your ex wants to be friends with you. Our top reasons will give you a perspective like never before:

How to Know if Your Ex Wants to Be Friends With You

You must be wondering how to know whether your ex wants to be friends in the first place. It’s not always so obvious and sometimes, they don’t out rightly say it and you are left to figure it out on your own.

How to do this is to observe the signs. If your ex wants to be friends with you, they will probably exhibit different signs. Some of these include them constantly trying to reach out to you or the way they behave with you, keeping tabs on where you’ve been and whom you’re speaking to. Look out for these signs and you’ll know!

Is It a Good Idea to Be Friends With Your Ex?

Even if your ex is trying to reach out and wants to be friends, the question is should you be friends with them? It’s not always the best idea and it can cause unnecessary complications unless you both are on the same page.

Expert Opinion

According to Rachel Sussman, a New York City-based psychotherapist and author of The Breakup Bible, being friends with your ex comes with its guidelines. The biggest one is taking a break after the relationship is over, before deciding to be friends with them.

She claims that with time and space apart, exes can have a different perception that can enable them to be friends after all that time. She specifically talks about social media exchanges too. “I would love for couples to unfollow and unfriend each other for a few months after a breakup,” she says.

Not doing this could cause you to get a rush of unexpected emotions while opening your gram and seeing a picture of them. In many ways, this could rejuvenate your feelings for that person.

Reasons Your Ex Wants to Be Friends With You

1. They Want You Back

The biggest sign of your ex wanting to be friends with you, at least in most cases, is that they regret breaking up with you in the first place and want you back.

Maybe they broke up with you in anger and didn’t mean it, or they’ve realized it was the biggest mistake of their lives and just want to be with you again. In fact, it’s quite common for this to happen and many exes realize this after some time has passed since their breakup.

2. Observe How They Look At You

They feel that they still might have a chance and so they try being friends with you. One of the easiest ways to tell if they want you back is by observing the way that they look at you; it’s all in the eyes.

If they make eye contact with you for prolonged periods of time or look at you the way that they used to when you were together, don’t be fooled –  they definitely want you back!

3. They Miss Being Friends With You

In the majority of the cases, the main reason for an ex wanting to be friends with you is that they want you back. But, in some cases, they may just genuinely miss being your friend. This is especially if you two started off as friends before getting into the relationship.

Besides that, a relationship is so much more than just sex; it is a friendship and a close bond between two people. Maybe you were the only person that they could fully trust and rely on and they miss having that.

Sometimes, losing a friend can be even harder than losing a lover and they’re finding it hard to move on without your friendship.

4. They’re Using You Just To Kill Time

Many people actually don’t know how to be on their own. Until your ex doesn’t find the next person to be in a relationship with, they may be using you to kill time. Instead of spending this time alone working on themselves, they’re giving in to their attachment.

This is because it’s convenient for them and a kind of emotional support as well without giving much back. The minute someone better comes along, they will leave you hanging.

5. They Want The Benefits

So maybe it’s not the friendship that they want but the benefits. Maybe they just miss the sex and are looking to fill their physical needs. Instead of making an effort and finding new people, they feel that they already have a physical connection with you, so why not try their luck? In fact, you would be surprised at how common a reason this is for exes to be friends.

6. You’re a Backup Option For Them

After getting out of a relationship, most people have a fear deep down that they won’t be able to find someone again. Due to this, they are likely to keep their ex as a sort of backup option in case they don’t find anyone else.

It’s like having their cake and eating it too. While your ex may be contacting you and making you feel special from time to time, don’t be surprised if they’re out there flirting with other people too. They’re simply testing the waters while keeping you close.

7. The Idea of Change Scares Them

The very thought of things not being the same affects people in different ways. It is enough to scare some and they’re comfortable with letting things be the way they are, even if that means being in a toxic relationship.

Maybe your ex is one of those people and they’re having a tough time adjusting to this massive change. Having you as a friend helps them cope with that as they don’t have to fully face the fact that you’re not in their life anymore.

8. They Respect You

This may sound absurd but it can be a legit reason in some cases. Maybe your ex is over you and they look at you as someone they respect and want to be friends with. It’s hard finding genuine people these days, so if your ex thinks that you’re one of the few, they may want to keep you in their life even just as a friend.

It may be hard to believe but you can tell through the way that they speak to you. If they’re not being flirty and just talking to you from time to time, it could easily mean that it’s out of respect and a fondness that they may have for you. Your ex could be one of these mature people who wants to keep things civil and doesn’t see a reason not to be friends with you.

9. They Feel Guilty

Maybe your ex hurt you badly in the past and they feel terrible about it now. They don’t know how to make it up to you so they try to be your friend. By being a good friend to you, they feel that they can undo whatever happened in the past and make amends. However, unfortunately, it doesn’t always work like that.

10. They’re Confused

Breakups can be confusing. They leave us wondering whether we made the right decision or let our only shot at love go. It could be that your ex is not entirely sure that they want to get back with you so they’re testing the waters.

They may be trying to get into your life to try and gain some clarity about what they want. Signs to look out for include them ghosting you, while being extra nice other times. This shows that they are still confused about what they want and are dragging you along in that web of confusion, intentionally or unintentionally.

11. They’re Scared of Commitment

Your ex could have been very much in love with you at the time, but it was their fear of commitment that led them to end the relationship. If that was the reason, then they’re probably having a hard time letting you go because the chances are that they’re still in love with you.

By trying to waltz back into your life, they may be avoiding the whole commitment issue. Many people have this issue when it comes to relationships and it’s especially popular among men. By trying to be your friend, they get what they want without having to commit.

The next time your ex wants to be friends with you, think about these reasons and figure out which one it is.

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