Getting over a breakup is never easy. Regardless of how messy the end was, moving on can still be a bit of a tall order for even the most impassive people. But for the sake of your sanity, you continue to keep trying your hardest to forget about your ex and start afresh.
You make some progress; take two steps forward, lose your footing, and go one step backward. You fall down, distraught, only to rise again so that you can put the past behind you.
But despite your consistent efforts, you can’t seem to move on because, at every corner, you somehow run into your ex who is looking at you all lovingly, flustering you to the core.
So, you begin to wonder if all the accidental oh-I-was-just-passing-by encounters are a bunch of random coincidences, or is there something more to these unexpected meetings?
As much as I hate to be the one to confirm your suspicions, I must do it to put your mind at ease and help you come up with a plan to deal with your hung-up ex.
Signs Your Ex is Pretending To Be Over You
- Your Ex Has Moved On Or So They Want You To Believe
- You Keep Running Into Your Ex
- The Heady Gaze and Gentle Touches
- The Self-Claimed Hero
- The Party Animal
1. Your Ex Has Moved On Or So They Want You To Believe
You log into your social media handles, and all you see is your ex enjoying their life to the fullest. They are having the time of their life reflected by the endless pictures they have been uploading of themselves, laughing, dancing, and drinking. But that’s not all; the oh-so-happy images are punctuated by profound soliloquies of how they feel free and at peace now that they are not with ‘a toxic paramour.’
What is going on??
The once not-so-social former lover of yours has now become an open book, putting every aspect of their life on display for people (read: you) to see and envy. For someone who didn’t like to publicize their life on social networking sites (well, at least not to this extent), the endless bombardment of online posts and updates from their end seems strange, to say the least.
Looking at their online post-feed, it almost seems as though they are trying a little too hard to convince you (or perhaps themselves) that they have moved on and that breaking up with you was the best thing that ever happened to them. And there’s your first clue that they are still hung up on you.
2. You Keep Running Into Your Ex
You are getting your morning café at your favorite café, and there they are supposedly getting their caffeine fix. You are out for your daily jog, and there they are galloping on the same track as you.
And the funny bit is that you expect awkwardness and strained conversations, but what you witness is fluid chats with an ever-smiling former partner who is uncharacteristically happy to see you. You will also find yourself at the receiving end of unwarranted praises, such as, you look beautiful, or you are glowing during the not-so-coincidental meetings.
It keeps getting weird-er…
But the stream of bizarre things doesn’t end there, and you notice that your ex is now unbelievably invested in your well-being.
They are interested in how you are doing at work if you tried something new etc. And if they find out that you recently accomplished something extraordinary, let’s say an award at the office, they shower you in compliments and recurring ‘you deserve it(s).’
As if the unwanted catch-ups weren’t strange enough, and now they are making matters even more awkward by praising you, leaving you dumbfounded and unable to make anything of the situation.
See through it…
My naïve friend, all these accidental encounters, the sudden interest in your life, and all the sonnets honoring you are not just some fateful events. They are crafted occurrences planned by your former partner to show you that they have changed and that they now realize your worth.
If you were seeing the red flags but the genuine vibes from the opposite side kept from making any rash assumptions, then let me do the job for you and tell you that your ex is hung up on you.
3. The Heady Gaze and Gentle Touches
Another super obvious sign of having an ex who’s still pinning after you is their inviting body language. If you sense your former partner gazing longingly, especially when you are not looking, that’s your cue to run for your life (if you don’t want to get back with them).
Next are the feather-like touches here and there. You are in the middle of a conversation with your ex, and they touch your arm ever-so-lightly in passing. Or they spot something on your face, maybe a crumb, and they wipe it off because they are the kindest human on the planet.
Cut the cord… Now!
All these unwanted physical advances from your former lover are crystal-clear signs that they want you back. If you don’t plan on getting back with them, you should put that out in the open and crush any embers of hope that they might be holding on to.
4. The Self-Claimed Hero
If your former lover is a man, then they will develop an ever-present instinctive urge to protect you from getting into harm’s way.
You’ll notice that whenever you are in trouble, they somehow happen to be there to save you; whether or not you needed saving is another story altogether. But they will do everything to ensure you are safe, and they’ll also reprimand you for being so ‘careless’ and ‘stupid’ as to have endangered yourself.
Believe it or not, men have an innate desire to be a hero and savior for the women in their life. It’s in their DNA, which is why they take it upon themselves to keep women safe. And this need to be the hero in men emerges stronger than ever after a breakup.
So, if you see the one you once loved fighting for your honor or getting into a row for you, know that it’s their overcharged impulse to be a hero.
Don’t let it sweep you off your feet because it may or may not stay around after you get back together.
5. The Party Animal
Coming across as someone who is having the best time of their life may seem counterintuitive when all they want is to get you back. But that’s part of the plan, a brilliant one at that.
Your mind, “Is this the same person?”
They seem the kindest and gentlest when they meet you in person, forcing you to think of them differently and believe that they have changed. But at the same time, they want you to know that they are happy and have moved on so that you start considering yourself as the one who lost something valuable.
By portraying that they are not devastated after losing you, they want you to feel drawn toward them. In other words, they are playing hard to get by being desirable during in-person interactions and coming off unaffected on social media.
You need to make sure that you are not getting swayed by your ex’s tactics by remembering why you broke up in the first place. Doing so will keep you on-guard against (seemingly) the one that got away.
If you have noticed most of these signs, then you need to think of a plan to shut your ex out completely; otherwise, they’ll keep trying to woo you. And don’t worry, giving your former lover a reality check is not as hard as you might think. If you are worried about things getting too awkward or embarrassing them, you are overthinking because they are already doing that to themselves.
Get To Work
Here’s how you can put an end to the unnecessary drama in your life directed by your ex.
1. Unfriend Them From Every Social Media Platform
Unfriend your ex from every online forum, but don’t block them. Blocking is generally an extreme measure taken to gather attention, which you don’t need. So, just removing them from your friends list will suffice.
Moreover, when you go out with your friends and take pictures, ask them not to upload them. I know this seems a bit suffocating, but you need to disappear from public sites because those are the main source of getting your whereabouts. So, for a little while, try to go MIA on digital platforms.
2. Change your Regular Spots
As much as I hate to tell you to alter your life, I have to do it because that’s how you can dodge your clingy ex in real life. Now that you have taken care of your virtual presence, you need to look into ways to avoid your former partner in real life. And to do that, you need to change your usual hangout spots. For instance, start getting your coffee from someplace else, or choose a different route for your daily jogs. Once you do that, the one who shall not be named will keep waiting for you in places where you are not.
3. Rip the Band-Aid
If you are not the one to drop hints or be subtle, you should just confront your partner and ask them to stay away. And when you do, don’t beat around the bush and be upfront about your feelings. Tell them you want to move on, and that cannot truly happen if you both keep running into one another.
In fact, include them as well. That is, tell them that you understand that they must also be finding it difficult to move on because of the frequent encounters, so the right thing for you both is to be as distant as possible.
4. Know What You Want!
If you want to give your relationship another try, then perhaps you should answer your former lover’s advances with equal enthusiasm. But if that’s not the case, then don’t lead them on by continuing to meet with them, knowing the opposite party’s intentions all too well.
Either end your link with your former partner entirely once and for all or tell them that you want to give them another chance. And then stick to your decision!