After a bad breakup, you may be wondering, “is it normal for me to not want to date anyone right now?”
Yes! It is completely normal to take a break from the world of dating after a breakup. You are allowed to take as much time as you need to put yourself out there.
It’s Your Life
Moving on after a breakup can take up a lot of time. Even if you believe that your split was nothing but good riddance, you can still find yourself thinking about your ex at the most ungodly hours or be upset about the end of your relationship beyond reason.
How someone chooses to process the demise of a relationship is entirely up to them; they might want to jump right back into the dating scene or take months before deciding to trust a new mate.
But often, the world around a newly-single individual makes them feel ashamed about their emotions or lack thereof. If you move on right after a breakup, the people around you will call you a heartless person; if you take too long to get back out there, they’ll keep badgering you to do so. Either way, you will find yourself being judged over your choice to heal after parting ways with someone you loved.
But I want you to know that however you feel about dating after a breakup is valid, normal, and completely fine!
Your emotions are yours and absolutely valid!
It is normal if you fall in love with someone the very next day after ending things with your ex. Likewise, it is normal if you don’t wish to date for a long, long while after your last relationship ended. Don’t let society dictate your feelings or guilt trip you about how you choose to mourn the loss of a paramour.
The only thing that matters is you. You need to know how you feel and whether or not you want to get back out there. And if you are uncertain about your feelings on the matter, I will help you figure it all out.
Signs You Are Not Ready To Move
Here is a list of signs that will indicate that you don’t want to date anyone for now.
1. You Unconsciously Keep Bringing Your Ex in Conversations
When hanging out with friends and family, you might be discussing your ex quite a lot. If so, then perhaps you are not over your former lover, even if you thought you were.
If you are talking about someone from the past, it’s clear that they are on your mind. And as the header says, you might not even realize that you are mentioning your partner in conversations because you think that you have moved on when in reality, you haven’t.
Look for a second opinion..
Ask your friends or family members if you have been doing this lately; their answer will help you figure out where you are standing on the scale of moving on.
2. The Idea of Dating Doesn’t Excite You
One of the most obvious telltale signs of disinterest is dating is not getting excited about it. The thought of meeting someone new and getting to know them usually brings excitement and an intense flutter in the heart.
But if you do not feel so when someone talks about setting you up for a blind date, or you see someone eyeing you at the bar, you are not ready to date anyone new at the moment. And that’s completely normal even if it’s been six months since your breakup.
3. You Feel Emotionally Exhausted
Feeling emotionally exhausted is the flipside of not getting excited over the possibility of dating again. Emotional burnout is a common phenomenon, and most people go through it after a breakup. If you feel too drained to feel anything, and you are starting to wonder that you might have gone numb, then you are most likely at an emotional dead-end.
Getting through this phase of emotional exhaustion is not easy, but that doesn’t mean you can let yourself go. Because if you do that, you’ll end up in a dark hole and fall into depression. Therefore you must try to shake yourself up if the burnout phase lasts for far too long. (Find out how you can do that towards the end)
4. You Keep Thinking About the Bad Memories
Sometimes when someone gets out of a bad relationship, all they think about for a while is the nasty arguments and frequent exchange of tirades. That kind of negative energy can stay with a newly-single person and haunt them whenever they think about getting into a new relationship.
If you also keep getting flashbacks of the awful bits of your previous relationship, then you need some more processing to do.
It’s okay to ask for help..
You might want to consider talking to an expert about your feelings because sometimes a toxic ex can instill a general distrust of the world in you, which can keep you from trusting someone with your heart again.
5. You Keep Playing the Good Memories of Your Last Relationship
Replaying the happy memories you had with your ex is similar to staying stuck in the past. Because you are holding on to the past, you are unable to move on. Resultantly you are not interested in looking for a new mate.
Whether you keep thinking about the agonizing memories or keep playing the delightful moments of your last relationship, you are refusing to let go of the past; of your past lover. So, naturally, you are not interested in dating someone else.
And you will not be unless you consciously shake off all thoughts of the past. Seek professional help if you need to but be sure to put an end to your misery.
6. You Are Not Ready to Trust Anyone Yet
The most common sign indicating a loss of interest in finding a new partner is having a crippling fear of trusting someone again. If the thought of putting yourself out there and giving your heart to someone distresses you beyond belief, making it hard for you to breathe, then you are still shaken up over the breakup.
Developing an almost irrational fear of getting hurt by a partner is astonishingly common in people who go through a bad breakup. When someone is in an excruciating or abusive relationship and finally breaks free, they stop believing in people altogether. If the idea of trusting someone petrifies you, you should seek professional help to regain some perspective and emotional stability.
You Are OKAY!
If you have been exhibiting any of the mentioned signs, you are not ready to date right now. And I repeat, it’s OKAY! You are not broken or stupid for taking more than expected time to heal from a harrowing breakup.
If you find people talking in hush-hush tones nearby, possibly feeling sorry for you for being hung-over your former partner, don’t pay heed to them! Because the same people who are oh-so-sorry about your dormant love life would have judged you endlessly had you gone out with someone even a few weeks after your breakup.
So, no matter what you do, the self-claimed well-wishers you find whispering behind your back will never stop judging you and your choices. Why would you let such busybodies affect your wellbeing?
Allow Yourself To Heal From Breakup
If you are not ready to date anyone, then spend some time with yourself. Here are my suggestions for you to help you nurse yourself back to happiness after a traumatic experience.
1. Go on a Trip
Don’t sit around and let your pain consume you; instead, go on a solo trip to allow yourself to recover. Doing so will make you feel rejuvenated and give you the time and space to focus on yourself.
And let me make myself clear, by asking you to travel a bit, I am not invalidating your pain. In fact, if anything, I am acknowledging it, which is why I am asking you to get away from your daily life for a while.
2. Learn Something New
If you can’t go on a trip somewhere, how about learning a new skill? Enroll in a course or buy some supplies and unleash the Picasso in you. You don’t have to learn a skill; you can take guidance online and just start practicing.
There must be something that you have wanted to try all your life? Give it a shot now! You have the time, and you are going through a hard time. Attempting to do something you have wished for a long time will soothe the ache burning inside you.
3. Look for a New Start
You might think that looking for a new start is a bit extreme, but it’s not because you are allowed to do whatever you want if it makes you happy.
So, if living in a particular city has gotten a bit suffocating because you keep thinking about the past, even though you don’t want to, you can move anywhere you like. Start looking for a job and once you have it, get movin’.
Job hunting and the thrill of relocating will keep you distracted while your heart heals.
4. End the Pity-Party
Many people tend to throw themselves the longest pity party after a breakup, believing that it will help them move on or at least feel better. If you are guilty of doing the same, then you need to stop. Thinking of yourself as a helpless victim will never let you get back up and be your old self.
Tell yourself that you made a choice, and now you are only going to look forward. And then do just that assuredly!
5. Enjoy Life
You only live once, don’t waste so much of your precious time processing a nasty breakup. That doesn’t mean you should start dating again; think all the time you need to heal but be sure not to let your emotions dictate you and stop you from living life!