When standing at the altar promising to honor the person in front for life, nobody imagines that things might not work out in a few years’ time. But sadly, that happens, and people are often shocked to their core by their partner’s infidelity.
You may have thought, “My wife would never cheat on me, right?” But the reality can be quite unfairly ruthless sometimes, almost seeming too preposterous to fathom.
What should you do if your wife cheats on you?
Pick a side if you want to forgive her or divorce her. If you decide to give your wife a second chance, then promise her and yourself never to talk about the devastating incident again. Else, divorce her, free her and yourself from the shackles of a relationship that is nothing more than an illusion. And once you have parted ways, don’t ever regret your decision.
What To Do When Your Wife Cheat On You?
Let’s try to understand:
1. Know What To Do
If you can relate to what I have said, then the chances are that you have been betrayed by your better half, whom you have loved with every inch of your being.
Finding out that your wife cheated on you with another man can feel like a punch to the gut but what comes next is so much more painful because that’s when you need to decide what you should do? Should you leave your wife? File a divorce and put the horrible reality behind you? Or do you try to accept your significant other because you meant every word you said on the altar?
There is no definite answer to this question, and I can’t tell you what to do but what I can do is help you find yours. In order to figure out what you should do now that you know your wife cheated on you, you need to go over the circumstances before the unimaginable happened. That is, what was the state of your marriage at the time? Were you both having problems?
Were any of you drawing away from the other person? If so, perhaps you need to clamp down your bubbling range and assess what led your wife to such a cruel and selfish act. Because maybe you had gotten distant and your wife needed comfort, which she found elsewhere. That’s not to say that what she did is justified, but if your cold behavior was partly responsible for your wife’s infidelity, then there could be room for reconciliation.
You gotta decide…
That said, you need to look deep inside of you and figure out if you have it in you to accept someone back who betrayed you once. If you think you can see past your partner’s betrayal once you try to make, things work, only then consider mending your marriage.
To help you develop a plan to deal with the infidelity crises, I will share some valuable tips that will show you all the possible directions ahead.
2. Understand And Channel Your Emotions
Infidelity can evoke intense emotions ranging from crippling sadness and hopelessness to seething rage and unapologetic vengefulness. You must also be feeling all kinds of emotions, and as much as I hate to say this, you must not let your feelings get the best of you.
Easy for me to say, right?
I know easier said than done, but if you act on impulse and beat the guy your wife cheated with or spew hurtful remarks in front of your wife day and night, that’s not going to change anything.
You need to understand that the damage has been done, and your emotional response isn’t going to make matters better. That said, I do not mean that you suppress your feelings and let them fester inside you. You need to deal with your emotions, nurse them, and release them in a healthy manner.
To do that, you can try a bunch of high-intensity training programs to burn off the burning rage and sadness in you.
Hit the gym and kickbox all your feelings out, or hit the balls at a batting cage. You can also try to pen down your inner emotional turmoil and then burn that piece of paper. You may not realize yet, but these techniques can be unbelievably cathartic.
3. Avoid Confrontation Until You Have Processed Your Feelings
Reasoning, logic, or rationality cannot prevail during a conversation if intense emotions get are included. The anger and despair you feel at your wife’s betrayal must be out of your system before you confront her about her act.
But let’s be real, no matter how hard you punch the sandbag at the gym to cool off the burning fire in you, your feelings will not vanish into thin air. You will continue to feel resentment towards your partner, which is entirely justified—but letting out at least some portion of the crazy cocktail of emotions brewing in every cell of your body will help you hold on to civility while talking to your wife.
4. Stop Torturing Yourself
I understand that you still, even after listening to your wife’s confession, cannot wrap your head around the fact that your marriage is on the verge of collapse, and you keep reminiscing about all the beautiful moments you had spent with your partner. Doing so may seem out of your control, and to some extent, it may be.
When someone is in shock, they tend to replay the good times trying to banish the existing wretched ones out of their life, but obviously, that doesn’t happen.
5. Stop Willing the Reality to Change…
So, if you keep thinking about all the happy memories, the reality will not change, nor will your pain diminish.
Hence, stop thinking about the past because you are not helping yourself by doing so. It will be hard to forget about how things were, but you need to do that. You must take control of your nerves and start thinking about the future and how you want it to pan out.
6. Introspection Is Vital
If you are considering forgiving your wife and putting things behind to start afresh, you need to thoroughly analyze your feelings. Actively talk to yourself, seek professional help if need be. But unless you are a hundred percent sure that you have it in you to forget what your wife did, don’t give your partner hope of reconciliation.
Remember that mending your marriage is not a decision you can take on a whim. You have to think long and hard before coming to a conclusion.
Forgiving your partner means that you will not think about your wife in another man’s arms when you are in bed with her and that you will not think about your wife kissing someone that wasn’t you when you kiss her. And let me tell you that not imagining your disloyal partner with a stranger (especially the one with whom she cheated on you) is not easy…
The Fact is…
You WILL think about it, and images of your better half in someone else’s bed will remain vivid in your mind no matter how hard you try to bleach them out.
Even if you didn’t find out about your wife’s affair or fling through pictures, you would be able to see your wife moaning another man’s name. That’s the kind of power infidelity has on the mind.
Therefore, you need to go through all the possible scenarios where you might picture your partner with a stranger and think about whether you will be able to shake it off. If, after endless self-talks and sessions with an expert, if you feel that you can move on, then move towards reconciliation.
7. Pick A Side: Forgive Her Or Divorce Her
If you decide to give your wife a chance after what she did to you, then you have to promise her and yourself never to talk about the devastating incident again. Because at the end of the day, you are the one who decided to save your marriage and forgive your wife.
You ARE the decision-maker after all…
Sure, your wife was asking for forgiveness, but she didn’t hold you at gunpoint and made you exonerate her of her crimes. The decision of moving on and starting over was yours, so you need to stick by it and not taunt your wife for her past transgression.
I think we have established that accepting a disloyal wife is nothing but easy. And doing so requires unimaginable strength, which not everyone can have, and that’s fine.
So, if you feel you don’t have the courage to forgive your significant other for her infidelity, then don’t unnecessarily stall divorcing her. Don’t stretch what’s left of your marriage and just rip off the bandit.
Divorce your wife, free her and yourself from the shackles of a relationship that is nothing more than an illusion. And once you have parted ways, don’t ever regret your decision!
8. What’s Done Is Done! Stop With The Blaming!
Okay, so your wife cheated on you, and you made a decision of either staying with her or leaving her; either way, you need to stop calling your wife out for ruining something dear to you, aka your marriage.
Your constant blaming isn’t going to change anything. If you claimed to forgive your wife, then trying to shame your wife is only going to strain your relationship and add to your misery. And if you decided to divorce your wife, badmouthing her will not do you any good and only bring your pain.
So I need you to remember that what’s been done is done, so you need to move on. After you have taken a stand, you cannot (shouldn’t) look back.