Have you caught yourself daydreaming about someone, and are you asking yourself “Can I ask her out over a text?”
You sure you want to do that? Can you draft a crisp message that does the job without being too intense/overt/corny? Because if not, then asking someone out over text is NOT for you.
So, Is It Okay To Ask Someone On A Date Over Text?
If you are a seasoned texter and can follow the etiquette needed to ask someone out over text effortlessly, you should do it. If not, then stay away from the dangerous waters of approaching someone for a date via a message.
It’s Tightrope to Tread
Dating is risky business! Because the stakes are too high and the pressure of doing things the right way can be crippling, especially if you meet someone you truly adore. From asking a person out to becoming exclusive, you want to do everything to the T to ensure that the one you like likes you back.
In other words, dating comes with a tremendous amount of stress, which can often lead to hasty, thoughtless actions such as asking someone for a date via a text message.
There is nothing inherently wrong with using the written language to ask a person out, but not everyone is a creative wordsmith and thus can royally blow up their chances of securing a date they so badly want.
So if you asked me whether it’s okay to ask someone on a date over a text message, my answer would be that it depends on your message drafting skills. If you believe you can play with letters on a screen well, without the assistance of emotions and body language, you can utilize modern technology to gain romantic benefits. But if not, then refrain from typing a date invite (or date-vite) on your phone because that might backfire on you mightily.
Not all hope is lost..
That said, you can certainly up your texting game before using it to set up a date. If you’d like that, then here are some essential tips to help you come up with the most creative and unusual messages to send (hopefully to-be) someone special.
Mastering The Art Of Texting To Go On A Date
1. Ease Into The Invite
Let’s say you meet someone, and they catch your attention right from the start, so you want to do the ‘will you go out with me’part flawlessly to get a resounding yes! The best way to do that is to get to know the opposite party first.
Make small talk, ask them about their likes and dislikes; basically, cover the basics. Doing so will establish a friendly rapport between you both and make you sufficiently comfortable so that you can move on to the dating business.
But your casual texting must stay that way and shouldn’t become clingy/ borderline creepy. That is, make sure you do not send long-winded or too many texts in a short amount of time. You need to come off as a calm and collected individual who has a life outside of texting a stranger they met only a few days ago.
2. Be Creative With Your Drafting
Message composition can make or break a potential relationship, especially if you’re seeking out a girl. Women tend to assess their future mates on grammar and correct use of language.
According to the book Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and sociologist Eric Klinenberg how a person forms a date e-invite impacts their future chances of having said date. If you want to do this correctly, you need to use proper grammar and spellings.
Don’t… just don’t..!
Don’t truncate words unnecessarily! Using dat in place of that or 2 instead of too is only going to make you look a bit dense and simple-minded (and not in a good way). And you don’t want someone you like to see you as anything less than impressive.
Besides, how much time or energy would you save by omitting the t and h in that and adding a D? And truthfully speaking, it’s super attractive and quite the turn-off.
3. Don’t Use Trite Platitudes
Exchanging platitudes is an essential aspect of having conversations, but the choice of said platitudes must be right.
When you are engaging with someone you wish to date, you want to come across as an intelligent and interesting human being. And to do so, you cannot use words such as whassuppp or sup. The kind of language you use reflects your intellect level and class, using phrases like a-yo or howzit will certainly not place you in the right light.
4. Know where you stand…
Informal expressions are called such for a reason!
If you use them with someone you’re just getting to know, you are throwing your chances of starting a relationship with them out the window. You need to remember the opposite party is not your friend, at least not yet, so you don’t want to scare them off with your overtly chummy messages at such an early stage of your (maybe) relationship.
5. Send The Date-Vite Only When You’re Sure
When you start talking to someone over messages or even in person, their responses can give you a good idea about how interested they are in engaging with you.
For instance, you ask them about their job or favorite vacation spot, and they just give you an answer but don’t reciprocate the interest. Then that’s your first cue to step back.
And yes, some people may take a while to warm up to new people, but if you see no difference in the other party’s communication style, the chances are they are simply not interested. Conversely, if the person you like messages with the same gusto as you and actively takes part in the conversation, then they see you as someone worthy of having discussions with.
6. Don’t Be Too Pushy And Wait For A Response
So you messaged that oh-so-charming person from the bar last week, but they haven’t gotten back to you even though they seemed interested in talking to you at first; what do you do now? Do you bombard them with messages or wait for their reply? Definitely choose the second option.
7. Be caszh..
You don’t want to come off too pushy, and incessant texting will only give that idea. So, if the other person has not responded to your message, they might be busy or not interested. Either way, you need to be patient.
If they are stuck with some work, you don’t want to vex them by messaging them nonstop. Likewise, if they don’t want to talk to you, your pestering is not going to change their mind. In fact, if anything, it’ll make them dislike you more.
8. Calm your horses
Remember that they are not the only eligible single person left in the world; you will find someone in due time. Don’t rush the process!
Now that you are a bit familiar with the correct protocol of approaching someone romantically over a text let’s go over the possible setbacks you can encounter using modern technology to woo someone.
What Can Go Wrong When Asking Someone On A Date Over A Text?
Well, many things! Let’s tackle each of them one by one.
1. You Can Come Off Creepy Or Desperate
Because a text message does not carry emotions or body language, you never know how the reader will perceive it. You might have said something in jest, but the person on the receiving end of your text might look at it literally. As a result, you can seem someone unimpressive and unbecoming.
And that is precisely why using proper language and establishing some sort of affinity before segueing into ‘let’s go out’ is so important when approaching someone using written letters.
2. You Can Come Off Confused
One of the habits that drive most people up the wall is when someone isn’t clear about their intentions. That is, using equivocal sentences that do not convey your actual feelings is a turn-off.
And the possibility of that happening is incredibly high when asking someone out over a text message.
Indecision can be a massive deal-breaker, which is why you must use articulate and direct speech so that the other person knows what you mean.
3. You Can Irritate The Opposite Party
Linking back to the first point, the absence of sentiments and lilt in texts can be disadvantageous for you. Since you will not know how your messages are impacting the other person, you may continue messaging and inevitably end up engaging in useless banter.
You: Did you have breakfast yet?
You: What did you have?
You: I love fruit loops; in fact, I like them better without milk. How about you?
That’s a classic example of pointless, banal chitchat that can annoy anyone, especially someone you barely know. Keep your conversation exciting and avoid using the unwarranted ‘so what did you do today’ questions.
4. You Can Lose Sight Of What The Other Person Likes
When conversing with someone in-person, you can see their face and the excitement in their eyes over topics they find intriguing. But on texts, that’s not possible.
So, there is always a possibility that you might go off on a tangent that the other person doesn’t like, but they are too polite to tell you that right away. Therefore, you need to choose your subjects for conversation wisely.
Try to roam around themes that are generally liked by most people, such as movies, TV shows, or George and Amal Clooney (you get the point!)